A woman on trial for the manslaughter of her disabled 11-year-old daughter has denied that her actions in the hours after her daughter died supported a proposition that she felt responsible for her death.
Bernadette Scully from Emvale, Bachelor's Walk, Tullamore has denied the manslaughter of Emily Barut by an act of gross negligence on 15 September 2012.
The prosecution alleges she gave toxic amounts of the sedative chloral hydrate to her profoundly disabled daughter.
Prosecuting counsel Tara Burns said the reason Ms Scully attempted to take her own life was because of an acknowledgment that she had caused her daughter's death.
Ms Scully replied: "I did not cause Emily's death, it is so hurtful to hear that ... I don't think people realise, we were tied together, the only thing I did without her was go to work. I slept beside her all her life."
Ms Burns pointed out that before she was ever shown a post-mortem examination report she had told gardaí she had given her daughter too much chloral hydrate.
Ms Scully said what she meant by "too much" was that she had given her more than usual.
Ms Burns said the prosecution was not saying the note she wrote had been written before Emily's death but that its contents suggested she felt responsible for her daughter's death and that was the reason she was planning to take her own life.
Ms Burns asked what she meant by the note which read "if anyone thinks I am awful for doing this they should have listened to Emily crying the past eight days..."
Ms Scully said: "what I meant by that was if anyone thinks I'm awful for taking my own life. I was so distressed watching her suffer, I wanted to save her."
Asked what she meant by the words: "I can't let her suffering continue..." and reference to "the pain, isolation and loneliness", Ms Scully said: "I meant I can't let her suffering continue wherever she had gone and I wanted to go with her. I was saying I can't watch this world any longer and the pain and loneliness without her."
Ms Scully said she had to suggest to her that the note can be interpreted as an acknowledgment that she was responsible by giving too much chloral hydrate.
Ms Scully said she was in a very distressed state writing the note and was not organised in her thoughts.
Ms Burns said the court had heard about her "absolute love for her daughter and attempts to have her treated with dignity" but she said that did not equate to her actions afterwards.
Ms Burns said: "if she had died of natural causes my suggestion to you is that all you talk about with regard to respect and dignity would not have resulted in you trying to take your own life."
Ms Scully said she was not herself and had moved into some arena in her head and was acting like a robot.
Ms Burns said: "when you talk about not being together and not having a cool head, the evidence is to the contrary. We have heard you had pleasant conversations with your partner and his daughter, that you phoned the poisons information bureau, that you returned the syringe and the bottle to the kitchen. All of that conduct after the event would suggest someone who is together in terms of the reaction to Emily's death.
Ms Scully said "I wasn't ok after Emily died and if I had planned to take us both out I would have made a better job of it."
Ms Burns said the prosecution was not suggesting she planned it.
GP says she was grieving during questioning
Earlier the GP told the Central Criminal Court she was grieving, upset and exhausted while being questioned by gardaí days after her daughter's death.
During cross-examination by prosecuting counsel Tara Burns, Ms Scully said she was terrified and not thinking straight when first questioned by gardaí about her daughter's death.
She said she would have liked an opportunity to properly read the post-mortem examination report and take notes on it.
Ms Burns pointed out to Ms Scully that records of interview show she had been handed the report three times and told to take her time with it.
She had read parts of it three times for between a half a minute and up to almost two minutes. Ms Scully said it was a nine-page complicated medical document.
Ms Scully said she had "just lost my daughter, I'm being accused of doing something to her I'm not being cool and calculated. In an ideal world I would have liked to sit down quietly somewhere and read it and take notes. My brain was frazzled; I was grieving, upset and exhausted.
"But those were my issues, I'm not expecting the garda to be psychologist, he was doing his best but that is what was happening to me."
She also said she was frightened by being placed in a cell that day between interviews.
The questioning arose because of evidence given by gardaí that Ms Scully had been given the post-mortem examination report and had ample opportunity to raise alternative possible causes of death. Ms Scully has rejected this and said she told gardaí from the start she believed her daughter had died as a result of a seizure.
Ms Scully also said her starting point for a dose of chloral hydrate was 7 to 10mls, but "again it was a judgement call". She said the dose was not set in stone.
She had said in her garda interviews that before September 2012 the most she would give in 24 hours was 15mls.
She said she never liked Emily having drugs and would not have been getting the prescription for chloral hydrate every month.
On 15 September Emily was in an horrendous fit, she said. "I was standing there, I wasn’t in my surgery calm and detached, I wasn't there with my logical brain, I was looking at my baby."
Asked why she did not stop to think about the third dose that day she said: "when you see your child fitting you are not going to stand back with a logical mind or brain and say I have already given you two doses. I don't think it was possible to do that."
Asked if she did not think of getting medical help, she replied: "There was no time. I had to try stop the fit and after it Emily and I were there - I was crying over her but I knew she had stopped breathing.
"I did not want people pulling her around and jumping on her and sticking needles into the bone. I always tried to look after her with dignity. Going to hospitals had always been terrible for us."
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