Hearing your kid explain that meatballs are 80% meat and 20% balls tends to put you off your dinner very quickly. Here are some other things I learned as a parent this week...


1. 90% of eating with your kids in a restaurant is preventing them from (1) putting food in their drinks or (2) spilling them.

2. My 5-year-old handing me 'my bra' while we sorted the laundry was a new low. I didn’t have kids for this.

3. Hell hath no fury than a toddler who wants to peel a banana himself.

4. Hell hath no fury than a father who has to clean up a squashed banana

5. I had to split a Smartie in half yesterday…just let that sink in for a minute in case you’re thinking of having a second child.

6. Saying ‘see you in the morning’ as I tuck my kids into bed is pointless. #FourTimesBeforeSunrise

7. It’s possible to destroy a house with a granola bar.

8. It’s also possible to destroy a house with a rice cake.

9. The loudest sound in the world is my 3-year-old shouting ‘Dad, I have to do a poo poo’.

10. ‘Dad, why don’t you let the radio sing instead’ was just cruel and unnecessary.

11. Seeing my 3-year-old hide behind a sweeping brush while playing hide and seek makes me grateful for ‘free’ education.

12. Hearing your son say ‘bye bye’ when flushing the toilet is unsettling.

13. My 3-year-old ran full force into a closed door because he wanted to see if he could open it. He did this twice.

14. I hid in the shed for 10 minutes eating something, purely because I didn’t want to share it. I could still hear the kids outside looking for me. I hope this isn’t the start of something.

You can see more of my 'learnings' here



PS. If you liked this you might also like A Message From My 6 Month Old Part 1 & Part 2

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