Things I've Learned As A Parent Over The Past Few Weeks...
1. Raising three boys is carnage....farms don't smell as bad as they used to.
2. ‘Has this got poo on it?’ is currently the most popular question in our house.
3. It's easier to shampoo an otter than dress a wriggling baby.
4. Last night's sleep was less satisfying than All-Bran.
5. I hope my son is teething; otherwise he's a jerk.
6. Lads, apparently it's not called babysitting if they're your kids.
7. If you have Ready Brek on your crotch there's a good chance nobody will sit beside you on the bus/train.
8. The trick to cleaning Weetbix off the floor is not to leave it for more than 2 days.
9. I wish my wallet refilled as quickly as our laundry basket.
10. It’s near impossible to not open your own mouth every time you try to feed a baby.
11. I feel like a superstar if I manage to feed the baby without getting food on his bib. Dad Goals.
12. Same goes for when I pour the exact amount of water into his formula bottle at first go.
13. Nothing creates panic more than a baby that farts while you are changing them...It's almost military.
14. Picking snot out of your child's noise can be slightly satisfying.
15. My favourite son is always the one that isn't crying.
16. Scary is when one of your children opens their eyes as you sneak in to check on them.
17. Speaking of scary, nowadays I'm afraid to flush the toilet after 9pm.
18. I still have no idea why I continue to set my morning alarm. It's absolutely pointless.
19. There's nothing better than when noisier kids than yours arrive in the restaurant when you're having brunch.
20. You don't know creepy until you've had a child stand over you at 3am and whisper 'Bunny says he doesn't like you". #TimeToChangeTheUndies.
21. Did you know that blueberries can pass through a baby's digestive system fully intact? Same goes for sweetcorn, carrots, potatoes...
22. One of the best sounds you'll ever hear is your partner and kids in fits of laugher in the next room.
23. That said, hearing Thing 1 (5) 'teaching' and explaining something to his younger brother (3) makes everything in my world completely insignificant.
24. After my wife spent a weekend away with her friends I have even more respect for single parents. #ATipOfTheCap.
25. Nothing halts having fun with your kids quicker than when one of them grabs your glasses.