Operation Transformation 2022 leader John Ryan and his wife, Selena, joined Ray D'Arcy on RTÉ Radio 1 to discuss mental health, cooking failures and turning 50.
Hailing from from Ballyragget, Co. Kilkenny, John is a 49-year-old truck driver who lives with his wife, Selena, and their three children.
The self-proclaimed workaholic says that he loves his job but the sedentary nature of it means that he spends many hours sitting in the one spot, with some jobs keeping him away for weeks on end.
With so much time spent on the road, John says he has missed out on some huge milestones from his children's lives, from first steps to birthday parties. Although, he did manage to take an active role in the birth of his second child when his wife went into labour on route to the hospital.
"The only saving grace was that I delivered the middle one, Michaela, in the back of the car," John muses, adding that the memorable moment is "the only bit that I can take out of the kids growing up".
About nine years ago, hoping to spend more time at home while remaining in the transport industry, John went back to school to get a diploma in management and take up an office job.
Despite having less time away, though, the avid U2 fan says it was the worst mistake he ever made. Not only did he lose the freedom of sitting behind the wheel, he ended up spending no time with his family and often slept on the couch because he was always on call.
Eventually, it all began to take a toll on his mental health. With the support of Selena, he made a trip to a GP who diagnosed John with depression and prescribed him some medication. Despite his reluctance, John decided to take the tablets and within a few months, he was in much better spirits and had even taken up running.
Sadly, it wasn't to last. A short time later, a series of tragic events occurred in John's life, leaving him to mourn the loss of his nephew, mother and father - all within a few months of each other.
"I never grieved for any of that, so I didn't," he told Ray, explaining that he had believed that, as a man, he had to put his emotions aside and remain 'strong' for the family.
"It was also a kind of a macho thing, you know 'men are strong, they don't need to grieve, they're above all that kind of stuff'. There's an image there to be held. They were the kind of driving forces behind it. But in hindsight, it wasn't the thing to do because I absolutely hit rock bottom."
Abandoning his medication and leaning into the isolation of his work, John began to step back from his family and disappear into the "bubble" of his truck.
"Once I close them doors, Ray, I'm in charge. There's nobody else there in charge, I'm in charge. It's like going out of one world and into another, but the world I'm going into, there's no problems - there's no every day life problems, I'm just totally in control of the whole scenario."
"But when I get out of that truck in the evening time, I come back into the real world where there's all these problems that I'm not able to deal with."
Eventually, after months of depression, Selena gave him an ultimatum - either he went to the doctor or she went out the door.
Thankfully, he chose the first. Two years on and not only has his mental health improved, but he made the surprising choice to join Operation Transformation - something even Selena was shocked about.
"I didn't even know he had applied to the show until he got the phone call to say he was invited up the assessment day," she told Ray. "It was a big shock for even me."
"We have great support, we really have" she adds. "All our friends have been brilliant, coming out walking with us during the week when we do the night's walk and things like that."
With his OT plan in place, and his fear of doing the food shop being tackled, we can't wait to see where John's journey brings him next.
Listen back to John and Selena's full chat on The Ray D'Arcy on RTÉ Radio 1 above.
If you have been affected by issues raised in this story, please visit: www.rte.ie/helplines.
