Loneliness is inevitable in all our lives at some point but especially during these unprecedented times. Over the past number of months, we have all had to resign to our rooms during various lockdowns, whether be it for work or a social Zoom call.
In December 2020, the Central Statistics Office (CSO) released new statistics relating to loneliness following up on surveys they conducted back in April. The percentage of respondents that felt lonely 'all or most of the time' doubled in that period.
At times, the pandemic has been particularly tough for young people and that's been reflected in the figures too. More than one in four respondents aged between 18 and 34 reported feeling lonely 'all or most of the time'.
So, loneliness found a place in most of our lives - without us being ready for it - but as restrictions are ease, I wonder if this sense of loneliness will also? It is regrettable that a lot of us have felt so used to being stuck in the same place and are feeling rather sceptical in returning to our old lives as we slowly come back to the so-called 'normal'.
I am someone who drifts between introvert and extrovert. I like the two states of mind because sometimes you need a break from wearing your façade around others. I like to have 'me time' and binge on old TV shows from the comfort of my bedroom. I like to indulge in the peaceful solitude that a good day of being alone can provide after a busy day.
I did this quite successfully for a lot of 2020 and a good bit of 2021 too. However, as the numbers of COVID cases slowly began to drop, I found myself wanting to be around people more and more. The extrovert side of my brain was itching for real-life human connection, having been locked away with fictional characters for far too long.
It really did not seem right; Netflix and chill just was not cutting it anymore. I found myself at times just distracted as I sat in my room in the evenings relaxing, watching some TV drama as I dreamt of being surrounded by people in a crowded club dancing with sweat and roaring to loud music.
I realised I took these ‘little things’ for granted, as we all did. As much as I felt a great sense of humility for getting through this desperate time, I could not help but feel overwhelmed with the issues and struggles that arose during this time. I live at home, and I badly missed my boyfriend, it was difficult not being able to see him during the period of strict lockdown. I also missed the friends and family that lay outside my bubble.
Social media is a great tool for keeping in touch with others but eventually, you get sick of just relying on technology, and you long to see loved ones in person again. It was even more frustrating because the circumstances lay outside our control. These were the rules and those of us who cared had to stick to them, to save both ourselves and others.
I found that during lockdown, I was feeling increasingly lonely even though I was staying in touch with the outside world through video calls. In some areas, things improved, and I found myself building upon friendships with those with who I had not previously been close. On the other hand, some of my already strong friendships weakened with the distance.
Sometimes you can still feel very alone even when you do feel loved. It can be a heavy feeling to express yourself to others, keeping in mind that you do not want to burden them when they themselves may be struggling. Eventually, though, you just explode with emotions and the cracks begin to show. You need to let people in.
The truth is, I did feel very lonely during the lockdown - no matter how much people told me otherwise. Their statements just felt like words, and I did not believe them because, in my head, I was isolated and that was all that seemed to matter to me.
It is a funny thing feeling lonely, and then discovering you are not the only one who feels that way. It always makes me feel a bit better to know I'm not alone in my feelings. I feel more hopeful that one day this will thankfully be over.
Even though we are slowly getting to that destination of freedom, not everyone is ready to throw themselves into the world, and it is important we do realise that especially if COVID cases begin to rise again.
As much as I want to meet up with everyone again, I need to be honest with myself, and acknowledge that I need to practice self-care first and take baby steps in getting back to ‘normal’. Nor do I expect people to be jumping out of their comfort zones to see me either. We can't take other people's pace personally.
I am happy seeing my boyfriend again and some friends, but I am worried about the bustling, fast life starting again. The remote life as boring, tiring and annoying it can be, does certainly have its benefits.
Loneliness is something we have likely all faced during the strict lockdown, and some of us may still feel it as we move forward. We need to be kind to ourselves and remember it is not unusual to feel such an emotion during a despairing time - at least, that's what I was telling myself to help me through.
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To share his wealth of knowledge on the topic of loneliness, Professor Roger O'Sullivan from The Institute of Public Health joined RTÉ's You OK? podcast where he explains how we can begin to address our own personal feelings of loneliness.
"John Cacioppo described loneliness like hunger, thirst, and pain. It’s an emotion that your body tells you, you need to take action and to think about it. When you feel hungry you know what to do, when you feel thirsty you know what to do … and then when you feel lonely it’s about taking action."
"You have to find a solution that works for you," he concludes, "And ask for help if you need help."
You can listen back to Prof. O'Sullivan in the video above. If you or someone you know is struggling with feelings of loneliness, you can find helpline information at rte.ie/support.
