Imaginary friends, all-too-real tantrums and a fascination with death – clinical psychologist David Coleman joined Miriam O’Callaghan to answer listener’s questions about their kids.
A mum contacted the show to explain that her three-year-old has not only four imaginary friends but also an imaginary dog. However, David reassured her she has nothing to worry about.
"I don’t think the mum has anything to worry about at all. Imaginary friends are quite common. Maybe up to a third of children will develop or create an imaginary friend up the age of seven, so it’s quite common and actually, for most parents, it’s quite fun and engaging."
The same child has also developed a fascination with death, but David says that’s nothing to worry about either.
"You deal with any kind of questions about death or statements about death very matter-of-factly with a three-year-old, so you’ll say things like 'yes, everybody’s going to die but most people don’t die until they’re very, very old'... As long as we don’t show any particular anxiety about it, then it’s highly unlikely that your three-year-old is going to become anxious about the concept of death."
Another concerned parent explained that her son has started lying to her. David explained this is a common experience for parents and that if we focus on the lie itself, we might miss a deeper issue.
"Children are quite motivated to lie for a whole host of different reasons. Either they’re afraid they’re going to get themselves into trouble, they’re afraid they’re going to disappoint you or upset you, they’re afraid that you’re just going to be cross with them. So there are lots of reasons why they mightn’t want to tell the truth and the difficulty for parents is that we sometimes get hung upon the issue of the honesty bit, rather than whatever it was that they weren’t being truthful about."
David advises focusing on the behaviour rather than the lies, for example, stealing biscuits from the tin, and to address this issue by showing your child the natural consequence of their action, for example, not getting a biscuit at treat time as they’ve already had their share.
