Today with Sean O’Rourke has been covering the history of gay rights in Ireland. Today, they heard from men and women who discovered that their spouse was gay years into their marriages, often after having children.
Sean told listeners that the show has received a huge response following previous discussions, mostly from wives of gay men.
"In these emails were expressions of hurt, anger and shame," he said.
One listener wrote to the show in response to an email from a woman who found out her husband was gay after 20 years of marriage, wanting to offer an LGBT perspective.
"I do not condone cheating or lying to your spouse and I have every sympathy for people whose marriages and relationships break up after finding out their partner is gay.
"But we have to consider why this man and other LGBT people in their generation got married and lied."
They continued: "It wasn’t as accepted as it is now and, to me, it’s understandable that even now, in our more accepting society, some men and women of older generations are still not comfortable in their sexuality or are scared to live openly."
The listener also wanted to address anyone who may find themselves in this difficult situation.
"I’ve every sympathy, it’s a terrible situation. The person you love lied to you and can’t love you the way you want or need him or her to. But it is not your fault. You didn’t know. Your life has been stolen.
"But not by your gay partner. It has been stolen by the homophobic society in which you were raised in, that made your husband feel he had to hide and lie about who he is. Both your lives were stolen."
To talk about the subject in depth, Sean was joined by Mental Health Specialist Dr Harry Barry and Psychotherapist Enda Murphy. Listen back to the full conversation above.
