Lily Bailey was diagnosed with OCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, at the age of 16. She’s written a memoir, Because We Are Bad, which details her experience living with the condition.
She came into the RTÉ Radio 1 studio to share her experience with Ray on The Ray D’Arcy Show.
There are a lot of misconceptions about OCD, which Lily said she also believed before she was diagnosed.
"People tend to think that OCD is about liking things neat and liking things tidy and we have a tendency to say ‘Oh, I’m so OCD about my pencil case’...and actually, I thought that’s what OCD was until I was 16 and I got diagnosed with it.
"And because that’s just such a prevalent idea about what OCD is, when I was diagnosed with it I said to the GP, ‘Oh, I definitely don’t have that. My room’s a tip’."
The "we" in Because We Are Bad refers to the voice Lily heard in her head as a child. She explained that her OCD manifested itself as this voice like "kind of an imaginary friend, except she was a bit more sinister".
This voice convinced Lily that, for example, if she lightly brushed against a passerby she may have caused internal bleeding. She also worried about her younger sister’s health.
"I had this obsession that she would die in her sleep. So, I would compulsively go upstairs and put my hand in front of her mouth and check I could feel her breath...
"It must have been quite distressing for her because she didn’t know why I was doing this stuff and, to be honest, I didn’t really know either."
Lily described the struggle with fighting the compulsions associated with the disorder, which may be unique to each person.
"It tricks you. When you’re going through this, your brain tells you that need to do a compulsion. And in the moment, it really does feel like doing a compulsion is absolutely the right thing to do, the thing that will make you feel less anxious."
Calling intrusive thoughts a "massive part" of OCD, Lily told Ray that while everyone has intrusive thoughts at times, the difference between someone who has OCD and someone who doesn’t is how they deal with them.
"If you have ever stood on a train platform and thought ‘Oh, what if I push that person?’ and then you think ‘That’s a totally bizarre thought that’s not representative of me at all’.
"For most people in the population, they just brush that thought away and they move on with their lives…people with OCD…they have that thought and they absolutely cannot let it go."
Listen back to the whole conversation with Lily Bailey on The Ray D’Arcy Show above.
If you would like more information about OCD, please visit the HSE’s website.
