Many parents may be breathing a sigh of relief in September. The schoolroom beckons, putting an end to the long summer stretch and the never-ending task of keeping the kids busy.
Brendan O’Connor’s guests on The Marian Finucane Show have a word of warning to exhausted young parents though – enjoy this time because one day, you might be wishing for it back.
Brendan was joined by singer Mary Coughlan, radio presenter Claire Ronan and UCC lecturer Piaras Mac Éinrí discuss life after the kids have flown the coop.
Claire was the stay-at-home mother of five and the prospect of an empty nest spurred her on to massive life changes.
"I had five children under seven and by having them so close together, they all went away at the same time… It was the biggest shock of my life.
"I dropped them to school one morning and I came back and it was an empty house which was unusual when there are five kids in the house and I realised that within the next eighteen months I was going to be facing into an empty nest and I nearly died.
"I actually went back and did a course in Media Studies to prepare myself… It’s a difficult adjustment and I’m very lucky that I have a lovely job at Ocean FM and that has distracted me."
Mary’s situation was very different. She had three older children, and later, another two and so the age gap smoothed over the potential for empty nest syndrome.
On top of that, her married daughter moved back in, bringing a grandchild, a husband and a menagerie of animals, so now that they’ve left, Mary is embracing her alone time.
Another daughter moved to Australia, which pulled on Mary’s heartstrings, but it also broadened her professional horizons.
"She showed me how to write an email and send it before she left! A whole new world opened up for me because she got me gigs in Australia.
"She said ‘you’re always on the radio down here Mam, do you want me to try and get you a gig?’ So then I started to go to Australia."
Piaras has two children, a stepson in Chicago and a daughter in Melbourne and finds the distance a huge emotional burden.
"People talk a lot about things like Skype nowadays and the fact that it’s so much easier than it was but there’s a downside to that as well."
"You have this instant communication across all these oceans and miles and yet when it stops you have that great sense of a vacuum, of the loss. It’s something that hits you because you can’t transact that kind of emotion when the call ends."
Piaras speaks about the physical space of the house after the kids have left.
"When your children are gone, it doesn’t matter if it’s to Dublin or to Melbourne, you tend to leave their bedrooms, the word I use is almost as if it’s kind of a shrine, and all their clothes are still hanging there and their favourite things and their books and it’s almost like you can imagine them there.
"Yet at a certain level after Muireann was away for a few years I realised that the Muireann that’s out there now in the world is not the one that left that bedroom behind her."
Piaras’ way of dealing with this was to go through his daughter’s possessions with her when she came home one Christmas, either keeping them, sending them on to Australia or donating them to charity, which he feels was an important symbolic moment, "not just letting everything be frozen in time".
All of our empty nesters agree that it’s crucial to cultivate your personal identity, interests and relationships, not least your relationship with your partner, in preparation for the time when your children leave.
You can listen to the full programme above.
