I'm a busy working dad and I thought I'd share 25 things...

Things I observed as a parent this week:

1. Summer lasted as long as a Capri Sun.

2. Nobody is better at hide and seek than my wife when she hands me the kids after I walk in the door from work.

3. My 3yo asked for a snack while eating his dinner yesterday.

4. I'm convinced that if you put your child's dinner into a sandwich bag and call it a 'snack' they'll eat it all in one sitting.

5. It was a bad decision to give my child a Granola bar before bringing him to the dentist.

6. The best way to fix a broken toy is to feck it chuck it in the bin. 

7. Hell hath no fury like a 3yo who doesn't get to press the traffic light button.

8. Nothing and nobody will prepare you for the change of being called 'Dadda' to 'Daddy' to 'Dad' or 'Mamma' to 'Mummy' to 'Mum'.

9. "DAD" – my kids call out 208,000 times a day. If they had a stammer (like me) they’d be shattered (and hoarse).

10. "DAD. DAAAD. There’s a leak coming from the top bunk".

11. "DAAAD can you wipe my bum?" is the first thing I hear EVERY morning. And "wipe your own bloody bum" is the first thing I mutter. No word of a lie.

12. The ability to drive a car with 3 screaming kids in the back seat should be part of every driving test.

 13. Me: "Make sure you wash your hands after your poo poo ok?"
3yo: "Ugh.I did, i did. I used my mouth"
Me: *wretches*

14. Date night then: Dinner out, gig, club or show.
      Date night now: Hide in the shed with a bottle of wine and a bag of Dorritos.

15. Giving a child a frozen wine gum gives you at least 10 mins of peace, per gum.

16. I wonder do babies cry at night to discourage parents from making another baby. #FoodForThought

17. Salesman: "Hi is your Mum or Dad there?"
3yo: "No, sorry"...while slowly closing the door.
Salesman: *puzzled look*
Me: *feeling proud that he executed it perfectly*

18. The only regret I have in life was buying Playdoh.

19. The weekly decision to bring my kids swimming or to punch myself repeatedly in the face is an ongoing one.

20. 3yo: "Dad can I have some raw toast please?"
Me: "You mean bread?"
3yo: "No, raw toast"

21. I often wish there was a drive-thru for everything.

22. I’m now at the stage where I wish that I could sleep when I can’t and I’m no longer able to sleep when I can.

23. 5yo: "Dad why don't they have see-through toasters so that you can see when the toast is nice?"
Me: *googles Mensa*

24. I just love putting the kids to bed and going up and down to them for the next 2 hours. Not. #DoYouWantToSleepInTheShedDoYou

25. Back to school is now officially my favourite part of summer.

DD.


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