Mary Lambert opened up about a series of traumatic experiences that lead to her attempting suicide at the age of 18 in an emotional interview and helps others by helping herself.
She has gone on to become one of the biggest names in the American music industry performing alongside Macklemore and Ryan Lewis on their massive equality anthem Same Love, which has been watched over 171 MILLION times on YouTube - watch the video below.
Warning: Her accounts below of her experiences contain sensitive content, in particular her accounts of sexual abuse that she has endured and she also uses coarse language that some readers may find offensive.
Whether you agree or disagree with how she has decided to tell her story - few can deny how important it is to listen and learn from a brave young woman who has faced darkness and decided to rise above it, to turn her life around, to reach out to others who are struggling and offer her hand as a popculture role model, who many can relate to.
The Same Love-singer always strives to portray her true self, including her issues and struggles, with her incredibly honest lyrics. Her songs have revealed a traumatic past that includes molestation, rape and an untreated bipolar disorder.
The passionate songwriter previously told Cosmopolitan in an interview:
"Music is beautiful and cathartic - but there is something very healing about explicitly saying what happened to you and speaking your truth."
Sharing huge parts of her personal life, whether it's in an emotional, poetic or even amusing way has always been part of Mary's artwork.
Three years ago the cheeky 28-year-old singer released a song called Secrets, in which she pokes fun at all her flaws and things that aren't going well in her life, including lyrics such as:
"I've got bi-polar disorder [...]. I'm overweight, I'm always late - I've got too many things to say [...]. Extrapolate my feelings - my family is dysfunctional, but we have a good time killing each other."
About a year ago Mary shared an intimate picture on Instagram, where she looked as if she had been crying and she wrote the following caption:
"I wrote a fun pop song beginning with the lyrics 'I've got bipolar disorder' and danced around the world in cute crop tops for the last 2 years.
"I felt and still feel it is part of my responsibly to destigmatize mental illness, and to remind the world that people with mental disorders CAN function and live healthy lives (and sing pop songs!)."
"But I realized part of the honesty - part of vulnerability - is allowing people to see the whole picture. So here it is.
"It's 1am, and this is what I look like as I'm calming down after an intense bipolar episode.
"In my episodes, I tend to oscillate quickly between hyper anxiety, paranoia, suicidal thoughts, and shame", she shared with her followers.
She went on to explain: "I have different mechanisms for coming out of it.
"TV shows are helpful (thanks Jeopardy!), and I am also grateful to have a deeply compassionate partner that helps pull me out with nice forehead kisses.
"I have been on medication for 5 years, and that initiated a drastic diminish in the intensity and duration of episodes."
"I also do frequent energy work, TFT, and a whole lotta self-talk.
"I am not like this every day. But I am also not glamorous and confident every day. I can exist in both spaces, and that is okay.
"Now, to get some real sleep! Tomorrow is new! I bought organic chicken nuggets and hella chard! Thanks for letting me be real with you, babes".
In Cosmopolitan, the artist went even deeper in sharing her issues when she revealed some of the darkest moments in her life, that fed her inner mental struggles:
"I was molested by my father at a really young age. You don’t - you don't know what’s happening, especially when you’re raised in that environment and your brain is forming - there’s a sense of what normal is."
She went on to share a horrifying memory about her being sexually abused: "When I was 16 I snuck into an Army barracks and I was gang-raped.
"You kind of go into survival mode and you're like, ‘okay, how do I navigate this situation'."
For Mary, the highs and lows flows are unrelenting:
"I was untreated with bi-polar disorder. I was really living in extremes of like I would have the best day ever and then I'd come home and I would want to die."
The LGBTQ activist giggled while she admitted that she came out in church when she was 17. Then the tone of her voice changed and her eyes filled up with tears as she shared:
"And then I attempted suicide when I was 18... - everything hurts so much."
She went on to explain that music gave her shelter at times when she didn't know who or where to turn to:
"Music for me was like survival, was a form of healing and almost like self-therapy."
But sometimes, to this day, the brutal events that took place in her past, her mental health issues and the a lack of self-confidence cause difficulties for the singer.
So much so, that sometimes not even music can offer her comfort. Those moments are the toughest on her.
She explained to Cosmopolitan: "The fact that I was like abused by my dad, was raped, was gay, was bi-polar - not to mention like always being like a big girl in the world like just existing in those spaces of like - I don't feel at home in my body, I don't feel at home in this world - like what options do I have left and you can only write so much, you can only sing so many songs until it's like [...] at your door, you know."
But since Mary is a real fighter and sees her potential to do good in this world, she holds on, keeps fighting and refining herself daily:
"I’m still in my own journey of body love and self-love."
Healing is a long-drawn-out process - in many cases, it includes a few or more setbacks. You have to be willing to become the best, healthiest version of yourself and keep fighting. That's what the 28-year-old poet does.
During the interview, she admitted: "I mean, I really value that moment of like holding the pills in my hand and like this thing in my head like 'just stay here, just stay - you have something important to do' and like being frustrated with that voice [...]."
"I'm so glad that I didn't die. I am so glad that I am alive that I didn't - I didn't give in, you know."
She went on to explain: "But it wasn't easy, I mean I feel like there is this sort of like canned way that we talk about trauma, there's this canned way that we talk about suicide.
"And that, you know, if you just go to Spain and you're on a boat and you eat tapas... like 'there’s your healing' - you know, like real healing is like [...]. It’s like, it's dirty and ugly and not easy."
Then she reaches out a hand to help others...
And while she keeps working on herself, she also wants to help other people who are struggling, especially the younger generation through her music and her platform:
"There are so many of us dying for healing and dying for community."
"And hopefully in some way I can help facilitate that with the platform that I have - I make music, I make pop-music, I don't know - just do whatever I want", she laughed.
Mary always stands up for what she believes in and is working towards teaching society about what needs to change. She wants us to talk about mental health issues and be more open and honest, she wants us to get rid of gender roles, because the expectations that come with them are "gross" and she wants to create more acceptance for LGBTQ people and fight for more equality.
She frequently takes to Instagram to raise awareness about current social issues:
"I meet hundreds of LGBT kids and teens at my shows, and from what I see - the biggest and most harmful bullies of LGBT youth are their parents and family.
"40% of homeless youth are LGBT. This is not a coincidence."
She went on saying: "Hopefully with the passing of gay marriage and increased visibility from celebrities and public figures, we can begin to dismantle the tragic and distorted ideology of those who do not believe in equal rights.
"Shame is powerfully ugly, and it takes a village to reverse it."
For the future, the She Keeps Me Warm-singer has an optimistic outlook, that keeps motivating her. She shared her mantra: "It all works out in the end, if it hasn’t worked out then it’s not the end - and that's something I tell myself too.
"I wish I could have told myself that, but 17-year-old Mary was gonna do whatever [...] she wanted to."
"I am Mary Lambert. I am 28 years old and I'm a babe and so beautiful!"
Her new album Bold dropped two weeks ago, including songs like Do Anything, Know Your Name and Love Is Love.
Warning: The video below contains sensitive accounts of sexual abuse and coarse language which is unsuitable for children and may offend some viewers.
It is also a video of Mary Lambert speaking her truth and sharing her story about how music has helped her change her life.
*Anyone affected by suicide can contact the Samaritans on 116 123 or by email at firstname.lastname@example.org or Aware on 1800 804848.