Breaking news. Making a marriage run the full distance takes hard work and dedication.
Okay, probably not news to most of you, but a message very much at the centre of a new RTE series entitled, Then Comes Marriage. (Arising from the phrase First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage.)
It's not the most optimistic of phrases, when you think about it. A cynic might get the impression that love gives way, as soon as marriage comes along. No? Maybe it's just me.
But this morning, on The Ryan Tubridy Show, one of the stars of the show, relationship expert Allison Keating, took Ryan through some of the minutiae of that hard work and dedication.
"There is an art to a good marriage. And behind that, there is a lot of science. And that's where myself and Ray come in."
The Ray in question is Allison's partner in relationship guidance, Dr Ray O'Neill. And throughout the interview, Alison quoted the work of leading relationship expert, Dr John Gottman, who claims he can spot within three minutes whether a marriage is doomed to failure. He and his wife, Julie, are founders of the Gottman Love Lab, where they combine a mixture of psychology and mathematical analysis to measure the health and prospects of relationships.
We're not sure if Allison is going down the "three-minute diagnosis" route during this new show. Although, in a way, it could save a lot of fuss and bother for people trying to breathe new life into marriages that are going nowhere.
And on that very subject, Allison identified what she calls, "the four horsemen of the apocalypse, in relation to conflict." That is, when conflict within a relationship (a perfectly natural occurrence) becomes destructive.
Do you want to hear them? Of course you do.
"Criticism. More damaging to a man than a woman….. Contempt. The worst of the four horsemen. You often see that further on into a marriage, because contempt is actually a slow burner."
Ringing any bells so far in your relationship? No? Well, maybe numbers three and four will do so.
"Defensiveness next. And this is one we can all relate to. You are having an argument, and suddenly she's like, "well I didn't do that!" And immediately you put up defences."
And finally.
"Stonewalling. Literally when it's like talking to a brick wall. No communication at all."
Phew. Hard work and dedication indeed.
Watch out for Then Comes Marriage on RTE2 television in the coming season. Three couples, on a two night stay in an undisclosed location, enjoying (?) a "relationship Boot Camp."
To hear the full interview from The Ryan Tubridy Show, click here.