Clinical psychologist, David Coleman, has huge experience dealing with family issues, children and teenagers. All of that experience was called upon this morning, when an extremely distressing and sensitive case came to him from the team at the Today programme.
A communication from a listener to the show was read by presenter, Sean O’Rourke. It went as follows.
David,
My daughter is nearly 17. She was raped while she was drunk when she was 15. I have lost all trust and am trying to get her to stop drinking. I only found out about the incident recently while reading her diary. What can I do?
Devastated mother
Clearly a case that requires extraordinary sensitivity, the communication raised a variety of issues, including the obvious vulnerability of a young woman, possible breach of trust and, equally importantly, the possibility of criminal behaviour which has gone unpunished. How does a mother balance all of those issues when attempting to build a bridge with her daughter?
“I would just be upfront and say, look, I have been desperately worried about your drinking. Because I was so worried, and because I haven’t been able to talk to you about it, I went and read your diary. Not only have I discovered information about your drinking, but I have also discovered information about this sexual assault that took place. And I am so upset on your behalf and I am desperately worried for you. I really would like us both to talk further, but also to go and get some help for you.”
As she was just 15 when the incident occurred, it is statutory rape, if nothing else, according to David. But the lack of consent could make this a full rape case, he said. And the fact that somebody is out there who has committed this potential criminal offence is worrying for others.
That said, there is an individual at the centre of this case who is clearly suffering, perhaps even feeling a certain culpability. “Absolutely you don’t want the daughter to feel she is in any way culpable for what happened”, said David. For this reason, professional intervention could help hugely.
It is highly unlikely the daughter has had a chance to talk to any professional, to discuss what happened to her, other than, perhaps, her GP. And maybe, “even getting the issue out in the open might come as something of a relief to her.”
There was a significant response from listeners to this story, as you would imagine, with one texter concerned that there could be an element of “guilting” rape victims into going to the authorities. “Do not break your daughter’s trust by stealing her diary. She has already been violated”, said the listener.
It is a real moral dilemma, according to David. Yes, that breach of trust must be taken on board. And as we consider the greater good, there are also the needs of the individual, the victim in this case.
Other listeners had their own say on the case in question and the issues it raises. To listen back to those comments and to the full interview with David Coleman, click here.