Families who have lost loved ones in road traffic collisions have launched a new initiative to raise awareness about the emotional impact of sharing images, videos or details on social media before families have been officially notified.
The 'It’s not your story to tell’ campaign aims to promote sensitivity, respect and responsible online behaviour among those who witness tragic road collisions.
Marie O’Brien, a mother of three children from Douglas Bridge, Co Tyrone who lost her youngest child, Caoimhe, who was 23 years old, in a road traffic collision more than eight years ago, is leading the campaign.
She said it is "the family’s story to tell".
Marie got the knock on their door about her daughter’s death at 1.50am on 13 October 2016.
She wanted to tell her son, who was in England, before he heard it elsewhere.
"We were racing against social media. I told Christopher at 6am. The police liaison officer phoned me shortly afterwards and asked if we were happy for Caoimhe’s name to be released - I said it was already on Facebook.
"Unfortunately, some families have found out their loved ones have passed away through Facebook before they have been notified by the police.
"Let families tell their story in their own time. Let them grieve in peace and dignity."
'Once you put something out there, you can't take it back'
Debbie Mullan, who lost her son Keelan Mullan, who was 17 years old, twelve years ago in a road traffic collision, is a qualified counsellor and chair of the newly formed Road Victim Support NI-Donegal.
She said too often bereaved families have heard of the death of loved ones from social media after seeing images and photographs of crash scenes.
She said: "Once you put something out there, you can't take it back. I'm asking people to think before they act. How would you feel if you learned your loved one passed through social media?"
"This is why this family led the campaign. It's not your story to tell. It's vital for us to get out there to share that message."
Last night, a voluntary group, Road Victim Support NI-Donegal, was launched to provide support to those affected by fatal road incidents and to raise awareness about road safety.
Those involved in its establishment have all been bereaved because of a road traffic collision. They currently support about 60 families.
'Important that men drop the shield'
The group also launched the 'Men's Time to Talk' - an initiative offering a safe space for men to share their story and seek support without judgement.
Eamonn Karran from Derry, who lost his 18-year-old son Noah in a road traffic collision last September, is leading the men's initiative.
He said he was "absolutely devastated by the loss of Noah".
"I realised that I needed support as much as anybody else in my family. There were no men coming along to the support group and I thought why?
"I decided to start the initiative. Men can come along and talk privately. We set up a WhatsApp group. We've met up a couple of times. It's been amazing.
"It's very important that men drop the shield they put up in front of themselves because grief is so overwhelming, especially when you lose a child or a loved one".
'I had to find a positive out of a negative'
Debbie Mullan decided to do additional training in trauma and traumatic bereavement to help others in her work as a counsellor.
"The group has helped me immensely, because I almost find that by doing this, I continue the legacy of my son," she said.
"I had to find a positive out of a negative. I had a choice; if he passed away, did I exist, or did I begin to live again?
"It's a very different life, but it is a life, and the person I was before and the person I am now are two different people.
"I can use my lived experience to help and support other people, and by doing so, I help myself as well.
"We’ve walked this road. Unfortunately, we know what it’s like".
'You feel heard and understood'
The group offers one-to-one counselling, peer support, group support and monthly in-person and online support meetings.
Marie Furey from Mountcharles, Co Donegal lost her partner Jonathan 'Jonny' Treanor, who was 28 years old, three years ago in a fatal collision.
She is a bereavement counsellor and the group's lead in Co Donegal.
"Losing Jonny was very hard. I was near the end of my studies.
"I pushed on and I knew this was the path I wanted. Having somebody who has that lived experience is invaluable. You feel heard and understood.
"I want to support families who have tragically lost loved ones."
'Relentless approach required'
Former taoiseach Leo Varadkar has reiterated calls from PARC Road Safety Group that Minister for Justice Jim O'Callaghan and Minister for Transport Darragh O’Brien set a deadline as to when gardaí will have real-time information on disqualified drivers at roadside checkpoints.
Speaking in Galway, the former taoiseach said, "a relentless approach is required to achieve the outcomes that are needed" in respect of road safety measures.
"On Monday a new law will be enforced, and I thank the Minister and the Government for making that happen. It had broad cross-party support.
"It means for someone to get insurance - they will have to produce their driver number, that will prevent people who are disqualified from driving getting insurance, and that’s an important step forward.
"The next step that needs to happen in terms of enforcement is that gardaí can at checkpoints with their hand-held devices being able to see if somebody is disqualified from driving, being able to see if they have a learner permit or a full license. That is long since overdue.
"I’d like to join PARC Road Safety Group in that call, in asking Minister O'Callaghan and Minister O'Brien to set a deadline."
