Trauma does not necessarily dissipate with time, but it can dissipate with care.
These are the words of Hannah Beresford, as part of her victim impact statement delivered this afternoon at the sentencing hearing of former Fermoy mayor and solicitor, John Hussey, at the Circuit Criminal Court in Cork.
For almost 20 years, Hannah had carried around with her the trauma of Hussey's sexual assault of her.
As an eight-year old on a sleepover to celebrate his daughter's birthday, Hussey had come into the bedroom where she was sleeping with a number of other children who were at the party and he assaulted her in a sexual way.
The assault had hurt her physically and, for years afterwards, mentally too.
Ms Beresford, a debating champion at Trinity College in Dublin, was praised by Judge Catherine Staines for her bravery and for the articulate victim impact statement she delivered which excoriated her abuser, John Hussey.
"Over the years, I have thought of this assault as an earthquake. I may sit at the epicentre, but the disaster zone extends beyond me, out to the people I love," she told Judge Staines and the court.
"My mother and father and my wonderful brother have borne the weight of this too. They should never have been subjected to this and I will never forgive the impact it has had on them."
"This assault is an everyday fact of my life. It is no longer the largest force of my life, but that does not mean it is consigned to history."
As many in the courtroom wept, John Hussey stared straight ahead, impassively and unwaveringly. His demeanour did not change throughout the 15 minutes or so it took Ms Beresford to deliver her statement.
Hussey's assault on Ms Beresford happened almost two decades ago. She heard it described in court recently as "historic". She returned to that description this afternoon.
"This is not history to me," she clarified. "This assault is an everyday fact of my life. It is no longer the largest force of my life, but that does not mean it is consigned to history."
She described how the assault impacted her in different ways at different times.
"There have been periods when this impact has been a whisper in the background of my existence; others when it has been an all-consuming roar," she said.
"There is sometimes a perception of trauma as a singular force that shapes you in a particular and fixed manner, but the reality is more complicated - or it certainly has been for me."
Ms Beresford described the confusion and fear she felt when the assault was happening to her in November 2003.
"I was eight years old and had never been treated with unkindness or cruelty. I did not understand what was happening, why my friend's father was hurting me in the dark, " she said.
"I had never experienced a situation where the adult in charge of me did not have my best interests at heart, and I couldn't comprehend how a grown up would deliberately hurt me for their own gratification."
Although she did not understand, Ms Beresford said she knew something was fundamentally wrong.
"I knew that I was experiencing something dark and scary and painful. I knew that I was not safe."
As she got older, she began to feel shame.
"I felt the heaviness of the silence around sexual assault ever more acutely, and a sense of shame that I was not brave enough to buck against that silence."
Anger soon accompanied that shame.
"For a very long time, I thought that a positive outcome to any justice process would be impossible, and I felt very guilty for not having the courage to engage with it," Ms Beresford said.
She had confided in a number of people - including her mother Alison - at the time when the abuse occurred.
The court heard that gardaí and the Southern Health Board were both told. But a decision was taken that interviewing Hannah and the taking of statements from her might only compound her trauma.
Ms Beresford told the court how the burden of secrecy weighed heavily on her.
"Silence compounded the pain," she said.
She started counselling after she went to university.
"Eventually, with the support of my family and friends, I recognised that I could no longer carry this on my own," she said.
In December 2020 she made a statement to Detective Garda Mairéad Morrissey of Fermoy Garda Station.
Hussey was arrested four months later.
He essentially maintained his right to silence during his arrest and questioning, presenting Detective Garda Morrissey with a prepared statement which he brought with him when he was arrested, and in which he denied sexually assaulting Ms Beresford.
A file was sent to the Director of Public Prosecutions and Hussey was charged.
He pleaded guilty on the day of his arraignment on 31 January last at the Circuit Criminal Court in Cork.
He arrived at the court that day pulling a suitcase on wheels and carrying a stuffed backpack in his left hand.
He replied "guilty" when the charge of sexually assaulting Ms Beresford was put to him in the court, and he surrendered his bail and went into custody.
This afternoon he was sentenced to six years in jail, with one year suspended.
In her victim impact statement, Ms Beresford spoke of living a very full life now. She expressed her thanks to her parents and her family for their support.
"From the moment I stepped over the threshold of Fermoy Garda Station, I felt a weight begin to lift, and though this process has been exhausting and difficult, I am so glad that I have done it," she said.
"I would like to thank every person who has supported me over the last two years, and over the 17 and a half years before that," she said.
"It is an extraordinary relief to have reached the end of this process. I cannot describe what this outcome means to me, to finally have this out in the open, all fear banished."
Ms Beresford described her life as extraordinarily rich, filled with many wonderful people.
"This assault will always be a fact of my life, but I am looking forward to no longer carrying this particular burden of secrecy and pain," she said.
