The man accused of murdering Detective Garda Colm Horkan in Co Roscommon just over two years ago has said he wants to apologise to Garda Horkan's family for the hurt he caused.
Stephen Silver from Foxford in Co Mayo told a jury at the Central Criminal Court he thought about what had happened every day and that it would never have happened if he had been on his medication and well.
Mr Silver has pleaded not guilty to murdering a garda in the course of his duty on 17 June 2020, but has admitted manslaughter on the basis of diminished responsibility.
He denied a prosecution suggestion that he was spoiling for a fight with gardaí on the night in question.
The accused also denied a suggestion that he had given evidence about believing MI6 and SAS members were trying to kill him to bolster his case about his mental state.
On his second day in the witness box, Mr Silver was asked about videos the jury has seen of his interviews with gardaí after the shooting of Det Garda Horkan.
In the videos, Mr Silver makes highly derogatory comments about the detective. The jury also saw him eating tissues, grunting, whistling, singing and slapping his arms.
Mr Silver said he did not remember saying what he had said.
He said he wanted to apologise to Garda Horkan’s family for the hurt he had caused.
"There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about it," he told the jury, and he said if he had been on his medication and well, "this would never have happened".
He said his behaviour in the interviews was not normal and he would only behave like that when he was sick. He said he had never seen himself like that.
Earlier, Mr Silver described how the shooting happened.
He said he was walking through Castlerea with his friend James Coyne when a dark coloured car came up behind them.
He said the man inside asked him who he was. Mr Silver said he told him and the man told him he was a garda.
The man was wearing a Tommy Hilfiger jacket and he believed a garda would not be wearing a jacket like that.
He told defence counsel Róisín Lacey that he did not believe the man was a garda and had no reason to believe him.
Mr Silver told the jury that Garda Horkan got out of the car and squared up to him as if he was starting a fight.
He said he told him to keep a two-metre distance and put up his hands. He claimed Garda Horkan grabbed him and said his friend's name.
The accused said he started grappling with Garda Horkan, trying to get away from him, but could not as the garda had a tight grip of his arm.
Mr Silver said he fell to one knee and was trying to get back up when he felt the holster and gun on Garda Horkan’s hip.
He told the court he got a fright and thought it was some kind of assassination attempt. He described both men wrestling with each other and struggling for the gun.
Mr Silver claimed he fired it and nothing happened, and then fired it again and it went off. He said Garda Horkan then fired it twice, before he fired it twice again.
Garda Horkan started to fall backwards and Mr Silver told the court he hit him on the head with the butt of the gun and also shot him while he was on the ground.
He claimed he thought Garda Horkan might be a drug dealer connected to his friend or that he had come from Dublin.
Mr Silver said the fact that uniformed gardai arrived on the scene almost instantly freaked him out and he felt it was a set up. He said he had a lot of confused thoughts about the situation.
Prosecuting counsel, Michael Delaney asked Mr Silver about evidence he gave yesterday that he thought a woman he was with in Dublin was in MI6 and that English construction workers were in the SAS and that there could be a bomb under his van.
He denied that he had not told psychiatrists about these thoughts and that they were additions in his evidence to the jury to bolster his case about his mental state.
Mr Silver insisted that he was searching for explosives or homing devices under his van before he headed back to Castlerea on the morning of 17 June, and not simply checking the vehicle’s roadworthiness.
He was also asked about his actions in Castlerea after he returned there.
The court has heard he visited a friend after hearing his home had been raided by gardaí, that he went into the garda station and ranted at the front desk, and later that day he did a U-turn outside Castlerea Garda Station and drove a motorbike at speed around an estate while "roaring and shouting".
Mr Silver denied that he had been spoiling for a fight with gardaí and said he did not want any hassle from gardai.
He said he would not have behaved in that way if he was well. "I was unwell," he said. "There was no other reason for it."
Mr Silver told Mr Delaney he did not hear Garda Horkan tell him that he was going to arrest him when he got out of his car, despite evidence from his friend that this had happened.
He said there was no reason why the garda would want to arrest him and he had done nothing. He denied spitting at Garda Horkan and said it did not register with him that he was a garda.
Mr Silver denied he had been setting up a defence that he did not know Garda Horkan was a garda from the moment he stopped shooting him.
He also denied a suggestion from the prosecution that he had held guns before, that he knew them, had an interest in them and knew how they worked.
Mr Silver said "not necessarily". He said the handgun felt like an automatic weapon and that it all happened so fast.
Silver off medication for eight months before shooting
Mr Delaney then took Mr Silver through a number of incidents in which he had violent confrontations with gardaí and had to be escorted to psychiatric hospitals.
Mr Silver denied that he had any issue with the gardaí. He said he did not hold a grudge against the gardaí when he was well.
When he was unwell, he said he was not a nice person, but that when he got well, he realised what he had done. Unfortunately, he said, he kept coming off the medication.
Mr Silver agreed that he had never been prosecuted in relation to any previous violent incidents. He agreed he had usually been transferred to a psychiatric unit, given treatment and discharged.
But he denied that he had expected this incident to be dealt with in the same way and that he became angry with the guards when he was not set free.
Mr Silver agreed that he had been hospitalised in September 2019. He agreed he had been told to take his anti-psychotic medication, but had stopped again shortly after his release.
He said it was his belief at the time that he functioned best when he was a bit hyperactive and the medicine slowed him down. He had not been taking the medication for at least eight months before the shooting.
Mr Silver accepted that was a choice made by him at a time when he was well. He told Mr Delaney he never thought it would end like this.
He said that he thought he had control of his condition and that he would see it coming and avoid it, even after 17 admissions to hospital.
But he agreed coming off his medication was a choice he had made because he preferred how he felt without it.
