"I feel very empty, very raw, I'm missing him terribly."
The words of David Ryan when asked how he is feeling following the second anniversary of his late brother Mark.
"Two years on, it hits more, and while I’m more grounded, it’s poignant that he’s gone two years," he says.
David and Mark Ryan were catapulted into the spotlight three years ago following the broadcast of RTÉ’s Doc on One programme 'Blackrock Boys’.
The brothers spoke publicly about the sexual abuse they suffered as boys on the campus of Blackrock College in Dublin run by the Spiritan Order.
Their bravery and the manner in which they told their story resulted in former students contacting RTÉ’s Liveline programme, alleging historical physical and sexual abuse.
It all snowballed into hundreds of cases of alleged abuse being reported to gardaí as well as to the organisation One in Four - which supports survivors of child sexual abuse.
Fr Martin Kelly offered a public apology to all victims and survivors on behalf of the Spiritan congregation, and independent experts were brought in by the order to guide survivors through a restorative justice programme.
The Spiritan Restorative Justice Framework has six elements including an apology, therapy, testimony (truth telling), redress, memorialisation and restorative justice.
Just half of those have been activated in full, according to a group which represents some of the victims/survivors called Restore Together.
"Dragging its heels"
Outstanding issues include redress, over which; the Order has been accused of "dragging its heels".
Just over a week ago, the Spiritans denied deliberately delaying or obstructing the progress on a redress scheme.
It confirmed that Rockwell Farm, (at Rockwell College in Co Tipperary), would be the first of the properties to be sold.
It has been put on the market with an asking price of €21m, a sum which is "only the tip of the iceberg", according to David Ryan.
Speaking from his home, Mr Ryan questioned the length of time it would take for the Order to untie itself from assets, to provide redress to survivors.
"We’re three years since the Doc on One, what’s happened in three years? Very little."
Since ‘Blackrock Boys’ aired in November 2022, David Ryan has twice been bereaved.
The unexpected death of Mark in September 2023 received national attention.
More recently, the death of David’s mother has focused his mind on the fleeting nature of life.
He acknowledges the establishment of the Commission of Investigation into the Handling of Historical Child Sexual Abuse in Schools as a step, however there’s concern over the length of time it could take.
"He (Judge Michael McGrath) will need to go through lots of reports, police statements and judging by how many victims/survivors that came forward through the Scoping Inquiry, and more are expected, it could be a long-drawn-out process which will frustrate people."
There are reports that the commission could take five years, which, according to Mr Ryan, "is just way too long; survivors will be dead".
"Lack of apology"
A significant grievance of the now 61-year-old is a "lack of an apology" from the Taoiseach, which he called for in September 2024.
Simon Harris TD who held the position at the time said he could not see a scenario where there would not be a State apology.
Mr Ryan has been waiting to hear from Taoiseach Micheál Martin since he took up his role and is much aggrieved over the lack of an apology to victims and survivors.
For two decades One In Four has supported David Ryan and tomorrow will launch its 2024 annual report.
The announcement of the Scoping Inquiry in 2023 led to an increase in waiting lists for treatment and therapy from the organisation.
It is likely that more victims/survivors sought help from the organisation last year, due to the publication of Mary O'Toole's report which found almost 2,400 allegations of sexual abuse in respect of 308 schools recorded by religious orders that ran the schools.
When he first approached One in Four twenty years ago, David Ryan’s "head was on the ground".
Such was the level of abuse and trauma he had endured; Mr Ryan would not attend a public bathroom, stay in a hotel, or go to a pool.
He still can’t attend an indoor swimming pool, but with significant therapy in recent years he can use outdoor swimming areas.
Through therapy and support, he acknowledges "he’s a different person now".
He describes it as being "deprogrammed", requiring huge work on his part - reliving the abuse, playing it back and flashbacks.
"I don’t blame myself any longer, it wasn’t my fault and looking back on it, they were the sick people, not me.
"It’s only in the last year really that I'm accepting what happened to me."
