A 22-year-old woman who was raped by her father as a child and sexually abused by him over four years has said she wants to get rid of the stigma of abuse after blaming herself for what he did.
Karen Harkin, from Buncrana in Co Donegal, gave victim impact evidence at the sentencing of her father, 55-year-old Michael Carter, who was found guilty last month of one count of rape and 25 counts of sexual assault when his daughter was aged between nine and 12 years old.
The court heard Carter does not accept the jury's verdict.
Ms Harkin’s parents were separated and the court heard the abuse occurred when she was visiting her father's rented house.
In her victim impact evidence, she said everything was great with her father until she was nine.
She said she did not know why things had changed then. Before that, she would spend time with him "farming, drawing, horse riding, watching TV". She said he made her laugh and made her happy.
But Sergeant Michael McHugh outlined to the court that when Ms Harkin was nine, her father started making her watch pornography on television, abused her regularly and on one occasion raped her.
The abuse went on for four years.
Ms Harkin made her first statement to gardaí in 2018 and Carter was arrested later that year.
He said he "rejected and refuted" any allegation by her, a position he still maintains.
However, a jury at the Central Criminal Court unanimously found him guilty of the rape charge and also convicted him of 25 sexual assault charges by a ten to two majority.
Carter has previous convictions for breaching a barring order, harassment and trespass as well as a number of road traffic convictions.
He will be sentenced tomorrow.
In her victim impact statement, which she read to the court, Ms Harkin said she stood in front of the court not with happiness or relief, but with anxiety and pain and guilt.
Being in court 'the right thing'
She said blaming herself for what had happened was a way she had taught herself to cope as she said it seemed easier than having to accept the fact that her own father chose to do this to her.
Ms Harkin said she may never understand why he chose to do this, why he never spoke about it, why she thought it was something normal that happened to every young girl and why he made her feel like it was her fault, without saying a word.
But she said being in front of the court was the right thing and what her younger self deserved.
Ms Harkin said she could not fully describe how she felt when her father first touched her.
She said she did not understand it so she did not know how to feel. She described how she just lay there while he did what he wanted to do, she said she did not know what else to do, and he was an adult so she did not feel she could second guess what he was doing.
Once it was over, she said they would just go back to normal life and never speak a word about what went on.
Ms Harkin described how she started to overthink everything. She should have been playing with dolls but instead, she worried that she was pregnant.
She said she did not have a full understanding of sexual intercourse so she spent night after night in the bathroom waiting for her period to come, or on the floor punching her stomach to prevent pregnancy.
Ms Harkin said she had been a "straight A student" but as time went on she faced a daily battle to get the memories of what her father had done out of her head and stopped being able to focus.
She fell apart after the first day of her Leaving Certificate, she said, and could not go back to sit the rest of the exams.
The months afterwards were the worst she ever had and she dealt with suicidal thoughts on a daily basis, she said.
Ms Harkin said her friends moved on but she did not. She described feeling dirty, tainted and broken.
She stayed away from relationships and gatherings and said she felt that because her father had abused her she was no longer worthy of anyone else's affection.
"The normal course of anyone’s life, the normal experiences young girls have, were so far out of reach for me," she said.
Ms Harkin said she realised that she did not want the rest of her life to be like this and went back to school to repeat her Leaving Cert, eventually achieving almost 600 points.
She said she intends to go to college when the legal proceedings are over.
She told the court she is scared that people will judge her and be disgusted by the fact that she was abused.
She said she still loves her father, even though that might be hard to understand.
But she said she does not know if she will ever forgive him. She said she would not carry the abuse with her every day of her life.
'A new chapter'
She would not let it define who she was or who she was going to be. She said it was okay to feel broken, alone and powerless.
But she urged people not to carry on to the point where they can not go on any more.
Ms Harkin said she owed her life to her family and friends and she thanked gardaí, her lawyers and the judge and jury.
She said she was starting a new chapter of her life and said she hoped that by speaking out she would get rid of the stigma abuse carries and give others the courage to speak out.
Judge Karen O’Connor told Ms Harkin she was already conscious of the courage and strength she had shown in the trial process.
She told her she should be very proud. The fact that other children in Ireland who had not yet come forward would see a young person like her speaking out would help others to find the courage to do the same.
She said she hoped Ms Harkin would continue with her studies as she was clearly highly intelligent and had a bright future ahead of her.
She said she would finalise the sentence tomorrow.
Prosecuting counsel, James Dwyer said the Director of Public Prosecutions was of the view that the headline sentence for the rape charge, before mitigation was applied should be between ten and 15 years.
The maximum penalty for the sexual assault charges was 14 years each.
Defence barrister Gareth McGrory said his client did not accept the jury’s verdict and continued to maintain his innocence.
