It's that time of year - back to school.
The time when we see tiny little things venture off into new surroundings wearing clothes that swamp them. They look so young, and even younger when wearing said clothes. Parents are either shedding a tear or cheering in jubilation.
I reached out to Deirdre Holland Hannon, a Behavioural Therapist, to answer some key questions about young kids going back to school. Some are personal, but will hopefully resonate with a lot of people.
The one thing I fear the most are the tears and her not wanting to leave my side, when I know, in two weeks time, she'll be skipping in that door and even now, she is so excited.
1. The end of summer is fast approaching, and with that comes the start of /back to school for many. What tips do you have to make this transition easier?
I think preparation is great in the lead up to any change or transition in any stage of life. I believe it's important to prepare children but to not overwhelm them with information. Especially if it's information they may not have the comprehension to grasp.
Each child at each age is different so it's important to assess any advice and adapt it to your own child and family life. Some children do great with conversations around a topic others do better with visuals, photos, school websites, role play, drawing and storybooks can all be fantastic tools used in preparation for change.
2. Is there anything that parents should be doing now ahead of the start date to ease them in?
My advice would be to think through their little school day and see what practical steps you can practice at home.
- Can they take off their coat?
- Hang their coat up?
- Can they identify their coat?
- Can they use the zip on their school bag?
- Can they open the new lunch box/bottle?
- Will they and can they eat what's for lunch?
- Can they pack their lunch away?
Leave the ABCs, Pencil grips and getting in a líne to the teachers.
3. We all know that the first day of school means that tears may be shed-by parents and children. Is it best to avoid letting your child see you shed those tears?
In my personal opinion as a Mum yes tears are for the car and the tea after. I know Ned would be concerned and anxious if he saw me crying. For his young age, it would definitely indicate something negative for them. Keep it positive.
4. For parents of children with special needs, what advice would you give for that first day of school? I'm sure most parents who have children with special needs have been inundated with advice by now but for me it's all about the visuals in this particular scenario.
Photos of everything like the car park, the yard, the classroom door, the classroom itself most importantly the teacher and any other staff or children that will be directly working with the child on a day to day basis and that first day.
Making a little book with these or even a little visual schedule of the plan for the day can be an invaluable tool. These visual tools could be created and utilised with any child with or without special needs to be honest if there was a concern for that child's "readyness".
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5. In the lead up to the next school year, is a good routine key in regards to challenging behavioural issues?
A good routine is a fantastic way to soften the blow of change for young and old. A good routine can be a real comfort and give a child confidence in what's going on in their big wide world.
I definitely think a good routine can reduce behaviours but also that once it is in place there is wiggle room and space for deviation and hiccups, you know real life without too much drama or too many meltdowns thanks to that routine.
6. For me, although my child (Paige) is very outgoing, when she’s presented with new situations, it can involve a lot of tears. She changes into a very shy child, who’ll hide behind me. How can we best encourage her to enjoy new situations?
For me, I think if you know Paige's reaction is like this is new situations. Maybe curb your expectation now, a fun tearless first day should be the end goal, not the first expectation.
Accept now that Paige may find the first day difficult and will then gradually gain her confidence and be confident the way she always is and this situation will be no different. She will be her fun-loving self and the life and soul of her little world in her own time.
I would definitely role-play school with Paige in a fun way at home making Piper the teacher would be hilarious and you playing the student too. A look at the school's website to make her familiar with some aspects of the physical surroundings and maybe even a physical run through the school morning and physically doing a dry run to the classroom in a positive way could all be helpful in reducing Paige's anxiety.
Let her take the lead on conversations about it and if you think "What do You and Piper do Mum when I'm in school" may be a bone of contention for Paige maybe make conversations about this short, sweet and consistent "Piper [Paige's little sister] sleeps and I clean the house". The end. And everyone sticks to that story.
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7. Paige has gone through a lot of change in the last 12 months and now we’re adding a new school in the mix. She has experienced a birth, death and now a new school as well as leaving her preschool and her friends. How can we ensure this doesn’t affect her day to day behaviour?
You both have done fantastically well in coping with so much in so little time and have parented two young ladies while you did it, the best we can do as parents is try!
If you are trying your best then you are doing your best and that makes you the best parent any child could ask for. Everyone's best is different and we all cope with situations differently it's important to remember children are the very same.
Focus on what she's doing right and getting right and try to teach around the situations that are going "wrong" for her.
8. As a parent, what would you say you find the most challenging? We’re all human after all! how do you tackle it?
I could write a list; feeding, teething, tantrums, communication frustration. I may be a behaviour specialist but it doesn't stop any of those normal milestones occurring under my roof and phasing me, I assure you!
Sleep and sleepless nights have definitely been one of my major challenges.I don't function without an adequate amount. I see some mums and they are still like Mary Poppins with a year old still up a couple of times a night, and I'm like your my hero.
I'm not a good person to be around without sleep and I definitely have my fill of parenting fails without sleep. We recently consulted with Erica Hargaden from Babogue sleep to get a little help with my youngest little man's sleep and I'm eternally grateful for her input. I am Mary Poppins again!
Good luck to all those little ones starting Junior Infants, and their parents too!
Deirdre Holland Hannon MSc. Behaviour Analysis, Behavioural Specialist, Author of Thoughts, Tots and Tea, Parenting Blogger and of course Mum of two gorgeous little boys and a tiny little sausage dog.
