We all like to celebrate the big milestones in our lives. It's human nature.
Just got engaged? Let's have a party! Just got married? Let's have an even bigger party! Or maybe you bought a house, are expecting your first child, or got that well-earned promotion. Yes, all of these are absolutely worth celebrating.
However, life isn't a single, shared timeline we're all racing to compete. Certain milestones will come earlier for some and later for others, leaving the latter feeling as though they're possibly falling behind. Which, let's get clear, is not the case.
There’s no denying it, we live in a culture saturated by these announcements, and while they deserve to be commemorated, so do the small, often invisible wins that matter just as much as your traditional milestones.
Let's call them minorstones.
Maybe you quit a toxic job, completed a new course, or pushed yourself to step outside of your comfort zone. These quieter achievements can be just as significant, as they not only change our daily emotional experience but also improve our mental health, explains Olena Smolenko, Counselling Psychologist and Workplace Wellness Facilitator.
"Leaving a toxic job, paying off debt, or starting therapy can reduce chronic stress, restore a sense of agency, and increase emotional safety, the core predictors of long-term well-being," she notes.
"In practice, these steps can help to move away from a constant state of survival, which can lead to emotional exhaustion, conflicts, and burnout, towards a recovery mode.
"And even though these changes might not be publicly visible, they lead to better sleep, concentration, relationships and increase the capacity for future planning."
The more we begin to acknowledge these small personal wins, the stronger our self-worth and resilience become. "Worth becomes less dependent on external milestones and more anchored in values and behaviour," Olena continues.
"It also boosts motivation because it links daily actions to the deeper need behind the goal. We do not just want a house; we want safety and stability. We do not just want career progress; we want growth and recognition. When we name that need, even a small step becomes meaningful progress rather than not enough."
Sure, it's easy for traditional milestones to dominate our idea of success because, for so long, they have been the most visible and easily recognised markers of adulthood.
As Olena points out, "marriage, promotions, and home ownership signal belonging, safety, and status in a way that is immediately legible to other people", so they become a common scoreboard for adulthood, even if individual lives look very different.
And whilst fewer people are reaching these milestones on the "expected" timeline, families, workplaces, and institutions still encourage us to build identities around these markers to gain social approval. As a result, we start to compare ourselves to others, which can lead to several knock-on effects.
"The risk is that we start focusing on what we do not have, reinforce limiting beliefs about ourselves, and lose motivation, even when our choices are actually aligned with our values and priorities," Olena states.
The truth is, everybody's journey is different, and our time spent on this planet is far too short to measure our success against what’s happening in other people's lives. So let's stop waiting for something "big" to happen before we applaud ourselves.
Survived a tough week at work? Treat yourself this weekend! Finally set that boundary you've been avoiding? That’s another win worth acknowledging.
Granted, these moments might not make headlines, but if they matter to us and make our lives feel a little more manageable, isn’t that celebration worth it?
At the end of the day, the most meaningful wins aren't the ones everyone sees, but the minorstones that show we're moving forward on our terms.
The views expressed here are those of the author and do not represent or reflect the views of RTÉ
