Freelance writer Aoife McHugh shares some of the lessons she has learned during her first six months of motherhood. These are her personal reflections from her individual experience.
"She's here" - these were the first words in a message sent from my husband to my mother shortly after noon on March 7, 2025.
Just a few minutes earlier, our baby girl, Ayla, had entered the world. Her body nestled snugly into me, an ethereal experience. It was the day when dreaming turned into being.
I recently wrote about the IVF journey that preceded this moment, and the lessons I learned from undergoing the cycle. Now that she is halfway through her first year, I thought it was the perfect time to share my insights so far.
As the quote from my diary on Ayla’s birthday reads: "When the student is ready, the teacher appears."
1. Say yes to help
I live in Abu Dhabi, an eight-hour flight away from most of my family in Ireland. After a short while at home with a new baby, I realised I had been naïve as to how challenging the first few weeks would be.
I had spent two days in labour, and I stayed one night in the hospital post-delivery. When we were discharged, it felt like I had completed an extreme athletic event, only to find myself back at the starting line again.
After the initial adrenaline high of meeting Ayla, alongside awe and love, I slowly began to feel vulnerable. I had not anticipated the level of anxiety I would feel looking after such a tiny human being. I found myself training my eyes on her belly to make sure it was rising and falling.
Thankfully, my sister came to Abu Dhabi during those early days. She arrived at a time when I was struggling physically and emotionally, and her presence steadied me. After my sister left, my Mam came over for six weeks. A special period of bonding, which led to incredible memories. My sister and my Mam were the postpartum tag team I never knew I needed.
2. Give yourself grace
According to the HSE, breastmilk is uniquely made for a growing baby's needs. It helps protect them from infection and other illnesses, and it can even reduce the mother's chances of getting some illnesses later in life.
That said, breastfeeding can sometimes be tricky, and a variety of obstacles may arise. For those struggling, there are support groups, online resources, and helpful tips.
In my experience, breastfeeding was much harder than I thought it would be. So much so, I ended up switching to formula after three weeks. A few factors contributed to this decision, and despite this choice benefiting me and Ayla in other ways, I often felt guilty.
The HSE acknowledges this difficulty, advising mothers to talk to a healthcare professional in the field to discuss their feelings:
"We know from the research and talking to mothers that trauma and grief due to ending breastfeeding sooner than expected is a very real response, and feelings of sadness about breastfeeding experiences are common."
I found breastfeeding challenging for several reasons. My personal experience was painful, and because I wasn’t nourishing myself adequately in those early days, it was also quite draining. It quickly began to feel unsustainable for me.
In hindsight, I did not prepare myself adequately during pregnancy by attending antenatal classes, and this hindered me. Even though I had the support of an amazing neighbour who is a lactation consultant, the issues I experienced were too much for me.
After a run of issues that affected my body, I had to reevaluate my 'why' for breastfeeding. I was conscious that I would be returning to work after three months due to the shorter maternity leave in the UAE, and the thoughts of leaving Ayla were already weighing on me. Thankfully, we are blessed with an amazing nanny from Sri Lanka who already feels like family.
Not long after I stopped breastfeeding, I felt the need to explain myself to others as I grappled with feelings of failure and shame. I now wish I had given myself more grace.
The HSE highlights unequivocal evidence that any duration of breastfeeding is good for babies’ and mothers’ health. Breastfeeding month in October also highlights this.
Personally, I feel it is important to acknowledge that, ultimately, choice is a privilege, and nourishment is a priority. The HSE encourages skin-to-skin contact to maintain physical connection and closeness. This can help with comforting and soothing the baby, bonding, and helping mothers relax and boost their mood. This can be done at any stage of development and is important for all babies, whether they are bottle-fed or breastfed.
Over time, I was able to manage my emotions through journaling and meditation. Kate Johnson is a writer and meditation teacher who has a series on the Calm app titled Nurturing Pregnancy.
A meditation titled Feeding Baby, Nourishing Myself supported me as I navigated challenging feelings: When you remember to care for your body, heart, and mind, everyone benefits, including your baby.
Johnson states that "on average, parents spend 5-8 hours a day feeding their baby in the first six months of life, which is akin to a full-time job". It is repetitive, and she remarks that it's ok to scroll, read, listen to a podcast, or stare into space.
During a time when it is easy to fall into a daze, her meditations help me to cultivate presence and patience.
3. Stay present
When you have a baby, you are frequently reminded that this precious time is fleeting.
Small touchstones denote her steady growth, like swapping the bassinet for a seat in the pram, or when her little feet suddenly fill out the socks in her onesie.
The human brain possesses a unique ability to imagine the future. Naturally enough, this theme is something that comes up quite often in conversation. I have heard the open-ended sentence "wait until she’s teething/eating/walking" a few times, and while I will be grateful that she will be able to achieve these feats, I also want to be able to savour the moment and simply be.
I often feel torn between capturing a moment or letting the moment capture me. I want to look back on it after, but I also want to see it, feel it, and be in it.
As author Tara Brach says, the most helpful way to practice resting in awareness is for brief moments, many times a day.
Now, I give myself space to linger on the azure blue of Ayla’s eyes, or her tiny hand around my finger. Time to be mindful and truly take in my little joy-bringer (one of my many nicknames for her).
Despite minor challenges, one truth persists: the beauty of life is magnified because she exists. What a privilege it is to live, learn, and love like this.
The views expressed here are those of the author and do not represent or reflect the views of RTÉ
