In the 10th episode of the current series of Sean O'Rourke’s RTÉ podcast, Insights, host Sean sits down with psychologist Laura Coleman.
Originally from Donegal, Laura works as a psychologist and psychotherapist for the Mayo Roscommon Hospice Foundation and in private practice as a Play Therapist and Lecturer.
Laura describes her work as "helping people to live until they die".
Laura says her role as a Death Doula is more of a vocation than a job. While the term may seem new-age, she insists that it is simply the latest version of an old Irish tradition whereby a person was employed to sit with the dying so that the family could work on funeral arrangements.
Employment surrounding death was very typical in Irish traditions, with professional mourners brought into to start a vocal lament at the deceased person's wake.
"We in Ireland had a really strong tradition of being healthy around death, acknowledging it," she insists, referencing the old Irish tradition of keening. "In the middle of the last 20, 20, 40 years, or whatever it has been, we've sort of taken on the rest of the world's attitude towards it."
When death becomes an inevitable diagnosis to a person, their loved ones won't always know how to react, and will often be in a state of denial or avoidance.
By helping family members and friends accept the reality of the situation, Laura says the experience of dying can be "more honest, more intimate".
She wholeheartedly believes we shouldn't fear those hard conversations around death because they allow us to live every moment we have.
"To think that the one thing we're guaranteed in life is the thing that we don't prepare for, it's just crazy," she says. "I say it all the time, you probably prepare more for a weekend away than you do your death."
Eventually, the conversation leads to Laura asking Sean about his own plans for dying, something he admits to thinking about often.
"I think about it often enough, but I don’t have any preparations," he admits. "I know there's one particular song I want my kids to sing. They recorded for my wife's 60th birthday, it’s: May the road rise to meet you.
"And there's a beautiful recording of it, I had it played… it was the last thing I did with Today with Sean O'Rourke about five years ago. Beyond that, look, I don’t want any of them to talk about me for more than two minutes".
Laura discusses her views on funerals with Sean and suggests it is something that children can attend.
"When we don’t bring kids to funerals, what we're saying is, there is something here that might hurt you or there's something there is isn’t good for you.
"Instead of: this is the inevitable. I think if we talked to kids in national schools about death and dying, people would live their lives more fully".
One thing that Laura demonstrates in this open and engaging conversation with Sean is that, for her, death is not something to fear.
"To be fair, I think I’m lucky that I’m one of the people, in that I have no fear of death. Absolutely no fear of death. If my time is up in the morning, I’m ready"
You can listen to the full podcast interview above, here, or wherever you get your podcast. The conversation involves references to illness, suicide, trauma and death.
If you have been affected by issues raised in this story, please visit: www.rte.ie/helplines.
