Breakups suck. Whether you're the one leaving or the one being left, they’re messy.
It’s the lack of creativity that gets me. I’d take a breakup relatively well if a guy delivered a giant cookie that said "You deserve better, I just don’t want to be better!", or even hired a billboard a la the infamous "Paul, tell your wife about us or I will!!" sign in Phibsborough.
While traditional face-to-face breakups seem to be a thing of the past, unfortunately, most of us are stuck on the receiving end of uncreative tropes like ghosting or just being treated terribly until we take the hint.
On the plus side, I find there’s something truly magical in that post-breakup clarity. The absolute motivation I feel in the depths of heartbreak needs to be bottled and sold: "Eau du Spite" by Tara, now available in all good pharmacies.
But if that post-breakup clarity hasn’t hit yet and you need some help to stop spiralling and reclaim your power, I have a few activities for you to try.
Axe Throwing
There’s something about throwing a deadly weapon at a target that really soothes a broken heart. I’m not saying you have to picture your ex’s face on the target, but it certainly won’t hurt your aim. I visited the Glendalough Axe Club, but they also have a Dublin location in North Wall.
Rage room
There is no better place to get out those post-breakup emotions than Ireland’s only rage room. Well, maybe therapy? But I reckon it’s pretty close. They provide the breakables but you’re also welcome to bring your own - anniversary present? Smash! Framed photo of you two? Smash! Holding onto rage and resentment is not healthy so getting it out of your system can be really helpful.
Yoga Retreat
Sometimes the best thing you can do after a break up is take some time to work on yourself and figure out some of life’s big questions, like why do you keep dating emotionally unavailable trainwrecks?! The Burren Yoga Retreat is a gorgeous facility just outside Kinvarra in Galway with a great mix of yoga, meditation and local excursions. I’ve also been eyeing up Irish connection retreats run by Dr Darragh Stewart that are said to be completely transformative with breathwork, cacao ceremonies and more.
The Zoo
This might sound like a weird one, but honestly, whether it’s Dublin Zoo or Fota, the minute you see those snakes in that reptile house you’ll be glad your ex is out of your life. We all know St. Patrick missed a few!
Day Fever
This daytime disco takes place from 3pm to 8pm in the Academy in Dublin (next date is 17 May). You can’t feel heartbreak if you’re too busy dancing your heart out, right? If one of my besties got dumped this is exactly the kind of thing I’d drag her to, to remind her that life is, of course, still worth living.
Forest Bathing
Despite the name, this has nothing to do with baths. Forest bathing is all about slowing down, connecting with nature and noticing our surroundings while walking through the forest. There is often some guided meditation and journaling involved as well. Sometimes being with the wrong person can trigger anxiety and raise cortisol levels. Calming and grounding activities like forest bathing help us to reset and realign. Xhale offers gorgeous forest bathing retreats in Co Down.
Comedy Show
Laughter is the best medicine, it’s scientifically proven to release endorphins and lift your mood. Plus, it’s nice to laugh at someone who’s actually funny for a change. There’s always something on at The Laughter Lounge or the Craic Den.
Get Adventurous
Try something scary! After a confidence knock, we need to remind ourselves that we’re capable of doing anything. Recently I tried cycling for the first time in over 20 years. That might not sound very scary but to me it was terrifying and I was so proud of myself for doing it! Whether it’s Ziplining at Zipit in Cork or coasteering along the Wild Atlantic Way, if there’s something that you’ve been putting off because you’re scared I highly recommend facing it head-on. Your confidence will soar and the last thing you’ll be thinking about is texting your ex.
And if all else fails, monetise it! Singing about heartbreak is Adele’s whole career, Beyoncé created an entire album to let the world know that Jay Z cheated on her, and I’m getting paid for writing this article.
If someone’s going to break your heart, you might as well make some money off it, right?
