Anna Geary on the overwhelming "love and stress" of motherhood

Radio and TV presenter Anna Geary tells Elle Gordon about her new rural dating show, Love in the Country, life with her new baby Ronan, and appreciating the support of the people in her life.

Anna Geary answers the phone full of the joys about her seven-week-old baby Ronan. They say it's a love like no other. Is it? She laughs, "I am absolutely besotted with him, and I have never felt a protective instinct like it. It is really a thing that you can’t describe until you feel it. I would do anything for him, I really would. It is mad how protective you become of them when they are so small.

"He is seven weeks now and he is at the stage where he is starting to smile. And honestly, the exhaustion from the sleepless nights can be wiped away with one smile. It is wonderful to see the development and the progress he has had over the last few weeks. You can see his personality starting to come out."

Anna is keen not to paint a too rosy picture of motherhood. Yes, she says, there is joy and it is a privilege, but as she explains, "It is incredible, but it is also hard. I genuinely feel we need to take the gloss off it a bit. I think it is important to be real because there are so many new mums out there that are struggling with sleep deprivation, struggling to find time to shower and to make themselves look respectable in public.

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"I have had so many funny stories shared with me on social media by new mums, saying they were so concerned with getting to a hospital appointment in time that they forgot to change into normal clothes and left the house in their pyjamas. Or they left the house without looking in the mirror and never realised the baby had got sick in their hair. But you just keep going. That is the reality of being parents and being a new mum. I think it is important to bring that to the fore.

"It is OK to have a moment with your baby where you think, 'My God, this is the best thing in my life. I can’t imagine my life without them’. But equally, it is OK to have a moment to have a cry too, because they won’t sleep, or they won’t go into their car seat. The mixture of emotions, that rollercoaster, is a real thing.

"What I have come to realise too is that everyone talks about the dos and don’ts of pregnancy and the third trimester, but nobody talks about the fourth trimester, those 12 weeks when you are trying to get to know the baby, particularly when it is your first. I think what I would love for women to know is that it is OK to feel an overwhelming sense of love and stress simultaneously.

"The word that I use is ‘discombobulated’ and I think it is such a brilliant word to describe what life is like when you become a new parent. Everything and everyone are just thrown up in the air. Your life is no longer your own as such. You have to become so unselfish. People will tell you, ‘Oh you will never get a hot shower’ or ‘You will never have a cup of warm coffee again.’ The thing is, when you become a parent; those things really do become luxuries. Being able to go for a shower is a luxury.

"The one thing that I am clinging to that comes from my very honest friends is ‘No matter what you are going through, whether it is 4am in the night and your baby won’t feed, or it is the middle of the day, and they won’t take a nap, it’s that this too will pass’ That is a really nice way to be able to think about it. Whether it is teething or whether they refuse to go into Montessori school, whatever it is, this too will pass."

The snippets from her first few weeks of life with baby Ronan that Anna has shared on social that have resonated with many women.

"For me, it’s about being more honest about parenting. You have to have support and you have to make sure you factor in time for you as well. So yes, I go out for a walk with Ronan, but I also try make sure to get out for my own walk. Or maybe it is getting a coffee for no reason other than just to take time for myself. You have to care about that time for you as well. What I am starting to realise now is that, if I am the best version of me, I will be a better mother for him. So, you have to carve out time, but my God, the guilt is real! I am sure a lot of new parents will be able to identify with this. You are wishing them to sleep right, and then as soon as they go to sleep, you are like ‘Oh I can’t wait for you to wake up’"

It can be tough to adjust to all the changes, says Anna.

"I put up a video on social media the number of messages I got from people about their post-partum body, fitness and what should they be doing, and they could be just weeks after birthing a human. It is not lost on me: I have moments of that. Doing a photoshoot like this... do I feel insecure? Absolutely. Do I feel self-conscious about my new body? Absolutely. But it is reminding myself as much as anyone else, ‘You have taken 10 months to grow this human so how could you expect your body to heal in a matter of weeks?’ So, I think it is about giving ourselves permission to be wherever we are at.

"That can be hard with social media when we see people who are already back in their jeans. There was one woman on social media, and I had to mute her because she brought in her pre-pregnancy jeans and was able to fit back into them as she left the hospital. For me, it was like ‘First of all, fair play to you and second of all, I don’t need that.’ We have to be very careful what content we are consuming, to protect ourselves. You might be having a bad day and you’re comparing yourself to their best day. It is about reminding people they are doing better than they think."

Anna says her husband Kevin is just as besotted by baby Ronan as she is. "He was ready for this day long before it came. He immediately takes Ronan when he comes home from work. It’s not lost on me how hands on he is. Not everybody has a partner who is, but he is. He gets stuck into the dirty nappies and gets up in the middle of the night when it is needed, although I predominantly do that as he has to get up and go to work the next day. But he is there, and my Mam – even though she is living in Cork – she's come up to help."

Anna filmed Love in the Country last year, but she is very pleased that people will have a chance to see it now. "The show is brilliant. We already know the international versions of it (The Farmer Wants a Wife) have been a huge success all over the world, so it is a very big show that wanted to put our own Irish stamp on.

"We Irish love a good love story but also, we are a humorous lot, so people will see that in the show. It is real. They are all looking for love and there is great craic."

Anna Geary on the overwhelming "love and stress" of motherhood

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