We're living in the era of manifesting. For many millennials and Gen Zers, we are witnessing a cultural moment that started with the Friends cast lamenting about men "stealing their wind", and is peaking at Bella Hadid carrying a mysterious little, orange book that has become a must-have accessory in its own right.
This was, of course, part of Roxie Nafousie's plan.
"I want to make self development cool. I want to make it aspirational. I want to make it fashionable. I want to make it mainstream", she tells me over the phone, speaking from her base in London. In the process, Nafousie has become the it-girl of manifesting.
As the author of Manifest: 7 Steps to Living Your Best Life, as well as the creator of The Journal, the Head Plan's wildly popular 12-week journalling programme, Nafousie has ushered in a type of self-help practice that is miles away from the shame-laden portrayals peddled by shows like Sex and the City.
With it, she's created a fashion moment: the orange book cover was inspired by the shade of a specific pair of Prada sandals and is reminiscent of the glowing orange of an Hermès bag. Photo sets of artfully arranged candles and crystals, with her orange book as the centrepiece, are all across Instagram.
It's worth noting that manifesting isn't new, despite this fresh coat of paint. Manifesting is "the ability to use the power of your mind to change and create the reality you experience", Nafousie says, a practice that has been in vogue in some capacity since 1937 when Napoleon Hill published his bestselling book, Think and Grow Rich.
"I think if you look over time at all the kind of great philosophers and great thinkers and speakers actually manifesting really is at the core of it", Nafousie says. "It's a self development practice rooted in self-belief, self-worth, taking action, a positive mindset, visualisation."
While there is a lot of noise on social media about what manifesting is, many of us still don't know what it is. "The biggest misconception is that it's just about visualisation, visualising what you want and then basically waiting for it to happen", Nafousie says.
"People often think it's really about completely controlling every aspect of your life, but a big part of manifestation is actually just about surrender. It's about letting go. It's about trusting and having faith."
At the core of it is being clear in your vision for yourself, a belief that even if you're not where you want to be now, you can get there with time, patience and action. Nafousie's own story is a testament to the power of self belief, as the mother-of-one arrived at this place of peace after years of pain, depression and substance abuse.
"All of my life I have been unhappy. I'd never known joy or happiness", she tells me. "And my 20s specifically, I escaped that pain with drugs, cocaine, alcohol and cigarettes and a very hedonistic lifestyle. I really felt completely worthless.
"I had always battled with severe self-loathing, paralysing, really how negative my inner critic was. It was paralysing. It stopped me from doing so much. I don't reckon I could tell you what I did for many of those years, other than go to parties, not sleep for days on end. It was just awful, really."
It was after one such rock-bottom moments that she turned to a friend for advice. The friend recommended a podcast about manifesting, and Nafousie connected with its focus on self-worth.
When she fell pregnant with her son Wolfe soon into a relationship, she had to tap into that way of thinking quickly. "It wasn't a case of learn to manifest and everything was great. Actually, I learned to manifest and then I had really severe prenatal depression.
"Probably that was one of the worst 10 months of my life in terms of mentally how I was doing. It was really a struggle to be alive every single day. But one thing that I did in that time was I kept visualising my future self and I really kept telling myself that once Wolfe was born, I would make my life the absolute best it could be and I would become the best version of myself."
Being loud about your idea of the best version of yourself, and unabashedly chasing it, has become an aspirational way of living in itself, as millennials and Gen Zers in particular embrace a lifestyle that is on one hand focused on true self-betterment, and on the other sometimes caught up in the appearance of self-betterment.
The now-stereotypical and borderline problematic "clean girl", the girl who gets up at 6am to workout and makes her own matcha latte, meditates and goes on her "hot girl walk" to motivate herself towards her goals – this version of manifesting is rampant on social media.
And it's hard to resist the allure of a life so seemingly balanced and curated. However, Nafousie notes that it doesn't have to be positive all the time, as that's simply not realistic.
"We are human and there are always going to be dips in our energy. What we can do is lean into what we need in those moments, which is rest, recharge, allowing ourselves to process any negative emotions that are coming up, any pain that we might be experiencing mental or physical. And actually that's an act of self love, and therefore it's still an act of still a powerful manifestation."
An embracing of self-help is decidedly unproblematic, and a welcome shift from the taboo it was presented as being in the 90s and early 00s. "They're not embarrassed to have a self help book", Nafousie says of her younger followers.
"I think actually that's why the cover of my book was so important. I really wanted a cover that people would be really proud to share. And it's been actually amazing what's happened with it. People are using it in their outfits and they're posting on the beaches and interior piece.
"And that's a real reflection of the times we're in. The fact that we are proud to show that we're into self development and we're into self help and to bettering ourselves."
When so many of us are embracing the will to ask for and pursue more for ourselves, where do those who don't know what they want start? Nafousie says she would start by trying to "manifest a feeling".
"Think about how you want your life to feel. Do you want to feel more content? Do you want more joy? Do you want to feel more confident, more empowered? Do you want more excitement in your life? You can manifest the feeling."
Roxie Nafousie will present a workshop in The Helix in Dublin on July 2nd. Join the waitlist here.
If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this article, you can contact: The Samaritans (phone 116123), or Pieta House (1800247247).
