When their daughter Blake arrived nine months ago, Brian Dowling and Arthur Gourounlian realised their shared dream of starting a family, even if, as they tell Claire O'Mahony, they have very different parenting styles.
Brian Dowling is looking back on the last time he was the RTÉ Guide cover star. It was 2001 and the Kildare native had just been crowned the winner of season two of Big Brother.
"I remember I was home for Christmas and I went into Dunnes Stores in Newbridge and my mum said 'Son, there you are'. I had shot the cover of Attitude magazine, which I was obsessed with, but the RTÉ Guide was a real 'I’ve actually made it’ moment", he says.
Now, he marvels at how that first cover and this latest one tell such different stories. "I was 23, incredibly famous at the time due to Big Brother; didn’t really know what was going on in my life, loads of opportunities but nothing really confirmed. Then cut to me now, married with a child, living in Ireland. It’s the weirdest thing."
His husband is Arthur Gourounlian, the Armenian-born professional dancer and Dancing with the Stars judge. The couple married at Powerscourt, Co Wicklow in 2015 and last September, they welcomed their first child, a daughter named Blake Maria Rose. This year marks the first Father’s Day they are celebrating as parents, and the two couldn’t not be more head-over-heels about their little girl. The nine-month old clearly adores them right back, her little face lighting up every time Brian (Daddy) or Arthur (Papa) picks her up for a cuddle.
Blake, according to Brian, is a tomboy, who is engaging, talkative, always full of energy and who wakes up with a smile on her face every day. She’s a dream baby who has hardly ever been sick and rarely cries, he says. "She is so much fun," the 45-year-old TV and radio presenter says. "Because she’s such a good baby, she’s actually made it easy for me to be a parent because she’s so laid back."
The couple have been open about their journey to become parents. Brian’s sister Aoife acted as surrogate for them and they shared their story in March in the RTÉ One documentary, Brian & Arthur’s Very Modern Family. "I felt responsible that we were putting Aoife out there, because at one point, it was just between us and our family and friends," says Brian.
But they wanted to share their great news. "I think we live our lives transparently enough; where we can have fun, live our lives that way but also keep some things back, you know. I felt if we were going to do this, we’re going to be all in, and that was very much why we decided to do the documentary for RTÉ," he says.
They had always planned to have children but Brian admits that he had been putting off making the dream a reality. "When Mam passed away in 2018, I said we’re definitely having a family because you panic and you question your mortality and life. Arthur was always ‘baby, baby, baby’. I was like, oh I’m not ready. We lived in an apartment in Clapham, we need to live in a house, so no. Then we were living in LA in this gorgeous studio, oh no, we can’t have a family. I think you kind of make excuses," he says.
They moved home to Ireland when the pandemic hit and were living in Brian’s old bedroom in his family home in Rathangan, Co Kildare. In 2021, they bought a house in Straffan and Brian recollects going for a walk with Aoife close to where they lived, and they discussed surrogacy.
"She said ‘You need to do this, I’ve been Googling and researching,’ and I couldn’t believe she was serious because she’d joked about it for years. I went back, said it to Arthur and before we knew it, it was doctor’s appointments and tests." Using a donor egg, they had their treatment in Europe, and although they know who the biological father is, it’s something they’ve kept to themselves.
Brian says that after Blake was born, he was fearful that their newborn daughter would be taken away from them.
"Aoife is considered Blake’s legal mother. One of us has no legal rights over our daughter; one of us does because obviously one of us is Blake’s biological father. I hate saying that, it’s almost like saying one person is valid and one person is not, but that’s genuinely how it feels when you’re in this situation. I remember being in the hospital and I kept my hand on the little glass crib thing she was in because Aoife had to sign paperwork and we had to have a social worker assigned to us. I kept thinking the worst was going to happen, so I didn’t sleep for the first six weeks."
He confesses that as a father, he is a panicker. This is where he and Arthur differ in their parenting styles. On their first family holiday in the south of France, Arthur was dipping Blake’s legs in the sea, to her delight, while Brian was screaming and on the point of calling 999.
"It’s true. He’s a worrier, he worries all the time," says Arthur. "My parenting style is real because of my life, and where I’m coming from, with loads of challenges. I want Blake to be very independent and powerful in her own right. I’m the kind of person who is positive and fearless. Life can be very cruel, I’ve been through it; I’ve seen it all. I don’t want her to be scared of anything."
The now 43-year-old and his family were forced to leave Armenia in 1992 during the first Nagorno-Karabakth War and were granted asylum in Brussels. After he trained as a hairdresser, Arthur then moved to London to dance professionally. Having children was always high on his list of priorities.
"When I came out to my mum, I remember she said to me, OK, you’re gay but how are you going to have kids? She knew how much I wanted to have them," he recalls. "I said don’t worry; I don’t know how but I will do it. I came out when I was 20 and 23 years later, I have this most beautiful child. Life is very unpredictable; you can’t plan ahead. I’m a living day-by-day person, and my dream came true."
He describes fatherhood as "the most amazing feeling ever." The couple haven’t ruled out having more children. "I want a big family, I want another two," says Arthur, who speaks to Blake in French. "Stop manifesting three children Arthur!" Brian jokes, before conceding, that he too would like Blake to have a sibling.
Even if their parenting approaches differ slightly, they are aligned in what values they’d like to instil in Blake. "Our mum used to always say to us, always say please and thank you, and never judge anyone on their money or their lack of money," says Brian. "Always treat people with respect and the way you want to be treated."
Arthur agrees and says, "Number one thing is to be polite. My mam always said to me, say hello and goodbye because people will always remember how you make them feel. Treat people with kindness, be kind and once you do that everything will come to you naturally."
Professionally, Brian and Arthur say they have never been busier. Brian started a new weekday show with 98FM in March. They try to make sure their work schedules don't clash, so that one of them is at home with Blake. If there is a scheduling conflict, Brian’s six sisters all live within a 25-minute radius and are there to step in if required.
"Aoife is so good with her, she comes over to us and takes her for walks," says Brian. "I’m sure people must think that’s odd because Aoife was our surrogate but to me, she’s Blake’s aunt and I have no issue with Aoife spending time with her, or any of my sisters."
Blake, it is clear, is the centre of their universe. "Everything we do is for her," says Brian. "When I get up in the morning and go off and do the radio show, it’s all for her. I almost feel like we’ve had her forever, although we’ve only had her nine months." Arthur says, "We have been blessed with her, and I’m getting emotional, but it’s the best thing ever. She is my life, she’s everything to me."
