No matter how much you love your partner, sometimes you just need your own space. Many couples report having separate bedrooms or one partner decamping to the spare room here and there.
While to some this might sound like a bad sign, that isn't so. What might have started as a one-off occurrence due to one partner or another snoring, sleepwalking or simply different sleep schedules colliding can actually be one of the healthiest things you can do for your relationship, experts say.
Siobhan O'Higgins, Sexologist and lead on the Active Consent programme at The University of Galway, joined Drivetime to discuss the pros of separate beds and how it might be the secret to a lasting relationship.
There are more pressing concerns for relationships than where you curl up as night. "It doesn't really matter where you're sleeping, as long as you're able to talk to each other and engage in intimacy if that's what you want to do", O'Higgins said. "To say that intimacy or sex can only happen in a bed is so limiting.
"If you just only had sex in your bedroom then sleeping apart may be an issue but surely you can have sex and then go to sleep afterwards, in separate bedrooms."
Sharing a bed is important when it comes to intimacy when you're having late night chats or simply cuddling together, which O'Higgins acknowledged.
However, the impact of sharing a bed in some circumstances can put a strain on your dynamic: "If you can't sleep because your partner is snoring then you're going to be annoyed with your partner and you're going to be lacking sleep so then you're more likely to lash out and say negative things to them."
Key to understanding this is how we think of intimacy, O'Higgins said. "Often intimacy isn't the cuddle in bed. It's when you pass them in the kitchen, just touching them, just moving closer to them. It's being free to talk about anything. It's not just the physical intimacy, it's the trust."
As we get older, O'Higgins added, we tend to become less sexual with our partners, as roles like parent and caregiver kick in. Getting some space to remind yourself of how you first saw and thought of your partner is important.
On the question of whether not sharing a bed can lead to less sex happening overall in a couple's life, O'Higgins said the solution to that is planning sex.
"It's like having a date night, let's have a sex night", she said, adding, "it takes the stress out of it."
To listen back to the full chat, click above.
