Sex and Relationship Therapist Rachel Cooke joined Aifric - sitting in for Jen Zamparelli - on RTÉ 2FM to discuss whether the illusive 'spark' is necessary for a successful relationship. Listen back above.
"I do think the apps have changed the dating landscape, absolutely," says Rachel, citing studies that claim that relationships formed online are more likely to become sexual much faster than when people meet off-line - not necessarily a problem, but certainly a factor worth noting.
"There's also a lot of choice, so there's a lot of 'grass is greener' mentality," she continues, "and then I'm just finding over the last five years that people are just absolutely exhausted from the style of relating through apps."
On the one hand, online daters may get a dopamine hit from the continuous act of swiping, but on the other, the apps mean that they may have the opportunity to meet people who they would never come across in person.
"There's good and bad but definitely changes," surmises Rachel.
According to Aifric, single listeners texting in about their dating woes wanted to hear about the illusive spark, with many explaining that a lack of spark is often used as an excuse to get out of a second date.
"It's a funny one because it has become this umbrella term to say you're not interested in spending more time with that person," says Rachel, who believes that people have different understandings of the word.
For some people, it's a catch-all excuse to get out of a situation without having to think about it too much, while for others it's a lack of attraction, and for another, it may be a concern of compatibility.
Although Rachel doesn't necessarily like to split people into binary groups, she says that some researchers have categorised daters into two groups: spark chasers and slow burners.
Spark chasers want to feel butterflies and a "magnetic pull" early on in a relationship, while slow burners like to take their time to get to know someone and develop an attraction while learning about their date's values and commonalities.
"It's basically about the speed at which you are expecting to feel very attracted and bonded to a person," says Rachel.
Spark chasers are often younger, with less relationship experience, sometimes more extroverted, and have a shorter attention span. They could be emotionally unavailable or they may simply be in a time of their life where they crave excitement and adventure.
Slow burners, on the other hand, might be a little more realistic with more self-awareness and may have a more serious interest in long-term compatibility. They likely have more experience with relationships and don't put too much importance on the immediate attraction.
Ultimately, Rachel insists that neither is better than the other, with both having pros and cons depending on the persona and the situation. While spark chasers may be deemed flighty, slow burners could be seen as settling.
The most important things, she insists, are self-awareness and self-esteem. The better you know yourself and your habits - and the more at peace you are with those things - the more likely it is you'll find what you're looking for in a person - offline or on.
For more information, listen back to Aifric's chat with Rachel above.
