Alana Kirk, midlife coach and author of Midlife, Redefined: Better, Bolder, Brighter joined Ray Ray D'Arcy on RTÉ Radio 1 to talk about some of the ups and downs of dating for the over 50s. Listen back above.
Calling in from Donegal, Alana told Ray that her book explores how a generation of women are redefining the idea of midlife, especially now that life expectancy is constantly being extended.
"This is a unique midlife because we have freedoms and opportunities and financial freedoms that women in past generations maybe didn't have," she explains. "We can redefine many things in our lives - relationships, parenting, careers, retirement, but in this case, also relationships."
Having divorced from her husband this year following several years of separation, Alana now finds herself on the dating scene as a 52-year-old single-parent to three teenage girls. A daunting prospect following a 13-year relationship.
"Back on the dating scene, like many men and women," she says. "Some people are trying to find the one, again. Another one. A new one. Like any of these things in life, it can be great fun and it can be incredibly draining and difficult. Figuring out who you are and what you want is a really key part of it."
Although her writing may apply to anyone navigating a return to the single scene after a long break, Alana says that her advice will likely resonate with women in particular.
"You can be so many things to so many people for a very long time," she explains, "and then when you come out of a marriage, or you end a career, or you get off a certain stage you've been on, you have to really figure out who you are to yourself."
Once you're ready to get back on the horse, Alana says there are a number of factors to consider. From her own dating experience, she has learned that she likes to go on a dog walk with a cup of tea for a first date to avoid "interviewing each other eye to eye".
She also likes to keep conversation light and fun, but says that she has learned to ask potential prospects the following question: 'What would your partner say about the end of your marriage?'
The answer, she says, is telling because if they remain adamant that their ex is "mad and bad", they might not have processed their own part in the break-up.
Reflecting on how dating in your 50s differs from dating in your 20s, she explains that many women in their midlife don't have the luxury of being "footloose and fancy free".
Whether they're caring for parents or children, or are still trying to run a busy household, time and money restraints mean that women in their 50s have to be a lot more circumspect about how they date.
The key, she says, is to focus on your own personal goals and to practice chatting on the apps:
"Know yourself, know what you want, and try and be as honest as you can. Like a lot of things, you have to put the work in."
For more midlife dating advice, listen back to Alana's chat with Ray above.
