Recently, I posted on my Instagram stories that I was having the worst day of parenting. I normally never post anything like that, but after viewing so many ‘Insta-perfect lives’ I was feeling pretty fed up.
Thankfully, the response I received blew me away. Not only did I receive waves of support but I heard from so many others saying they were struggling too. I didn’t feel as alone as I thought I was.
It seems a lot of us are caught in a cycle that’s hard to break. We’re getting stressed with too much to do or over a child’s behaviour, overreacting to it, consumed by guilt by it, then overcompensating because of the reaction - until the same parenting habits are repeated again. It becomes a vicious cycle.
While there is no magic wand, I asked Parent Relationship Mentor Sandra Schmidt for tips on how to better approach stressful situations.
"Parenting is so much more stressful now, because of all the pressures of everyday life," says Sandra. "We all know the saying that 'it takes a village to raise a child' but do we still have that village? Personally I don’t think so."
"On top of all that, we have social media, constantly telling us how we should parent," she added. "So it’s no wonder we as parents end up always questioning and doubting ourselves.
"The pressure to be a perfect parent is relentless. But there is no such thing as a perfect parent, just like there is no perfect child."
So, what exactly can we do to help with conscious parenting?
"Sometimes we need to step back and breathe," she says. "It's important to validate our own emotions and check in with what exactly is coming up for us. "
To begin with, Sandra suggests checking in with your own personal triggers to so that you are fully aware of what is going on in your own "territory" before taking the next step.
"Take a moment to notice what you are doing to care for yourself and how that influences how you show up in the world.
"Ask yourself: What do I need? What do I need less off? What do I need more of? Once you realise where our own emotions are coming from, you can then start changing your habits and breaking the cycle.
"If you want to break the cycle of traditional parenting and implement conscious parenting you need to start with SELF and reflect on how you are with yourself, and how out of that place, you relate to others.
"Parenting is seldom about the parent and the child, but really about parenting self. Your self needs to be okay before you can attune to your child.
"Most of the time we're reacting to our past or how we're feeling (exhausted, overwhelmed, helpless, grief, etc) rather than something our children are doing."
The next time your feeling stressed, Sandra suggests taking a mindful S.N.A.C.K. (Stop. Notice. Accept. Curious. Kindness).
"Remember you are not broken, there is nothing to fix. You don’t need to change to start conscious parenting. For this to begin, it’s about breaking down the walls of our past and emerging from them.
"Finally, be kind to yourself and let go of the constant self-judgement. Try and treat yourself with the same kindness and caring you strive to offer your children."
For more information contact https://www.sandraschmidt.ie/
