This week Maïa Dunphy hosts a three-part TV series about the challenges of making a sustainable future on the planet. In her own life, she has faced her own challenges. The broadcaster talks to Donal O'Donoghue about motherhood, making it in media and the most important man in her life.
Maïa Dunphy gives a hug that belies her petite frame. It’s big and warm and all-embracing, like the person herself. If you could bottle it you could light up the planet. Yet the writer and broadcaster is careful not to give away too much of herself. "I’m a very private person," she says, and she is, but when life dovetails with work, as in her TV documentary Merlot & Me or her best-selling book on motherhood, The M Word, she
is unafraid to tell it like it is.
Her latest TV job, presenting the three-part RTÉ series What Planet Are You On? is not her own specific story but that’s unlikely to quell her investment in a show about reaching for a greener and more sustainable future. "The world is fundamentally good and you have to believe that because otherwise what is the point?" she says. "And I don’t believe the planet is irreversibly f*cked. It is not too late."
It’s mid-morning in RTÉ, where auditions for The Late Late Toy Show are in full swing. "Maybe I should give that a go," quips Maïa as we walk past the flashing sign. Does she mean as host or as a performer? She doesn’t elaborate. In any case, the broadcaster has more pressing concerns, helping to save the planet.
"We’re not being sanctimonious or wagging the finger at people," she says of a series that chronicles three households facing daily challenges in the areas of water, waste, energy and food.
"We’re not saying that everyone has to go vegan tomorrow or spend a year’s salary on an electric car. Small changes can make a difference. If we all reduced our dairy and red meat intake (she is down to one red meat meal a week) and had more plant-based food, it would help. I’m a fan of applying common sense to things."
Common sense is a big part of Maïa Dunphy’s story. If her TV shows and books reflect that, so too does her life. The 43-year-old lives in Dublin with her son Tom (4) from her marriage to Johnny Vegas. Husband Johnny lives in London with his son, Michael, from a previous relationship. It is, as they say, complicated and also, at times, hard going. "I live as a single parent," she says.
"If Tom is in bed asleep I can’t nip out to get a pint of milk. I’ve turned down jobs and opportunities that I would have jumped for joy at years ago, but I just couldn’t do them. I would have taken those jobs if I didn’t have Tom but I don’t regret it because quite simply Tom is more important than any job. If I don’t get regular work in telly and writing I’m not too proud to do any job. A few years ago I would probably have been 'this is what I do’ but you have to make things fit. Motherhood comes first."
Maïa grew up in Dublin and Paris, the middle of three children: older brother, Mark, and younger sister, Anna. Her father, Tom, was a finance director at IBM (and later the president of Dublin Zoo) and her mother, Helen, was a homemaker. Maïa admits those early years were hard for a shy and sensitive type, someone who found it difficult to fit in.
In all, there were five different primary schools, including two years at the International School in Paris and just two days with the nuns. Maïa was bright, independent and hard-working but she wasn’t sporty, was never chosen for the school plays and like many others didn’t know what her future career would be (she briefly toyed with the notion of a career in medicine). "I was a pretty good student but I just didn’t know what to do,"
she says. "But it’s really hard to choose what you want to do when you’re just 16 or 17."
Maïa studied English and French at Trinity College. "When I left school I thought, this is where you find your tribe," she says. "But I was very lonely in college, really shy. I joined the drama group as I had never been
accepted for plays in school. I wasn't sporty either. So I signed up for loads of societies and clubs but didn’t even know what to wear in college or what my 'look’ should be.
"So I was lonely and no, I didn’t enjoy my time there. It was so prestigious and while my parents were very proud of me, I didn’t feel I was smart enough to be (in Trinity). There were a lot of confident, bright young people and I didn’t feel I was one of them. But you keep fighting to convince yourself you belong. It was quite sad and I can’t pretend otherwise."
Following graduation, she travelled the world: Thailand and Australia for one year before settling in Borneo, where she worked in an orangutan sanctuary. When she returned home, she notched up a series of jobs,
a hard-working employee, much liked by her bosses ("Whatever I do, I give it my best"). But when she got a call about a vacancy with Double Z Productions (home to Zig and Zag, Dustin the Turkey and later Podge and
Rodge), Maïa found her tribe.
She would also meet the man who would become her husband, when she interviewed the comedian and actor, Johnny Vegas, for a magazine. In her burgeoning TV career, she made shows like Merlot & Me, presented two seasons of Maïa Dunphy’s What Women Want, was a finalist on Celebrity MasterChef Ireland, competed on Dancing with the Stars, and she poured her experience of being a mother into The M Word.
Maïa was 39 when Tom was born in England. She was anxious throughout the pregnancy, even though everything went swimmingly. But the anxiety of the first-time mum is hard to jettison. After one fraught medical encounter, she walked miles through suburban London before calling her husband, Johnny, worried about a pain in her stomach. "It’s probably a stitch from all that walking," said Johnny who hopped in the car to collect his wife in Kingston. Tom was born by C-section. Was the bond between mother and baby immediate?
"If you’re asking ‘Did I feel an overwhelming rush of love?’ the answer is no. My first thoughts were ‘I just have to keep him alive!’ Love came slowly with all those milestones of the first smile and so on. Now I feel I’d have to grow a second heart by the time Tom is 18 because I love him more every day."
Maïa and Johnny, who married in 2011, separated briefly in mid-2018 before reuniting last Christmas. The last few years have been hard. "It can be a lonely place," she says of motherhood, but she also found an inner, unexpected, strength.
"I didn’t realise how strong I was. I was so afraid of getting things wrong. You feel you are always getting things wrong and are out of your depth. And my life also became more difficult than I anticipated as I was on my own so much. I always thought being a single parent was hellish but it’s not, you just get on with it. Those early months are so discombobulating and whether you are 19 or 39, they are the same because first-time motherhood is first-time motherhood no matter what stage you are at. But in those times I realised I was much stronger than I gave myself credit for."
Tom is the only grandchild in the family, the little man who brings happiness when she takes him to see her folks and her brother, Mark. "My brother is an amazing guy but life has dealt him a hard blow and his physical heath is not good. He lives with my parents and when I bring Tom to see them, he just lights up the house.
"My parents are very upbeat, positive people but I could never have anticipated the joy Tom brings to other people. When he was born and I brought him home to my mum, the house was full of cards and I was thinking ‘Have I missed someone’s birthday?’ but they were all cards congratulating my parents on becoming grandparents. Tom has brought a lot of joy to a lot of people, so no pressure Tom!"
Yet Maïa herself was and is a worrier. "I have been a worrier my whole life," she says. "I worry what people think about me. I worry if I am doing the right thing. I worry if people I love are okay and all of that. Having a baby brings a great deal of perspective and while worry doesn’t go away, you worry about new things."
She was always thus, the seven-year-old girl people would consistently tell to toughen up ("it lasted to my 20s"). So what would Maïa now say to her younger self? "I would give her a big hug and tell her to ignore those people. But tough is not in my nature and Tom is the same. There are a lot of pros to being a sensitive type. I see that in Tom and I hope I have it too. Of course, it does mean that things affect you far more deeply."
Maïa leaves me with another hug. In the background, the ‘Auditions’ sign for the Toy Show winks like a Broadway invitation. The broadcaster is zipping home for a cuppa and a sneaky biscuit (I know this because
Maïa nearly chokes on it when we talk later by phone as half of my interview did not record and she obligingly took my call).
She talks faster on the phone than in person, talks about how she has three TV projects in development and a million ideas fermenting in that eternally sunshine mind including a comedy-drama. She continues to earn a crust by her pen, ghost-writing and whatnot, and whatever TV work that comes her way. In the past, she says there were times she was walked on, but now she fights her (and Tom’s) corner. Being a mother has shown her another side to life and herself.
