The optimist sees the cup as half full. The pessimist sees the cup as half empty. The 2yo sees the cup as the wrong colour and has an epic meltdown...

From pizza tantrums to frozen toys, here are a few parental learnings from the past week.

1. Holidaying abroad with your kids is great fun if you enjoy roaring at them in a different country.

2. Marry someone who likes to leave as far in advance for the airport as you do.

3. Tip: using a mini paint roller is excellent for applying sun cream*.

4. Before I had kids I never imagined that I'd get pleasure from picking dry snots from a toddler's nose.

5. No one makes more observations than a child in a public toilet.

6. Hell hath no fury like a toddler who's been given pizza when they asked for pizza.

7. You can't wait for your kids to start walking and talking and when they finally do you can't wait for them to stop so that you can go to the toilet in peace.

8. People say love is the best feeling, but having all your kids asleep is even better.

9. The optimist sees the cup as half full. The pessimist sees the cup as half empty. The 2-year-old sees the cup as the wrong colour and has an epic meltdown.

10. Rumour has it that if you lose a child's sock in the wash, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit anything

Thing 1. Thing 2. Thing 3.

11. Tip: To keep your kids occupied, freeze some plastic toys in a large block of ice and let them break it up with spoons. You're welcome.

12. Kids are stressful but not as stressful as a phone charger that only works at a certain angle.

13. The best type of friends are the ones who don't bat an eyelid when you refer to your kids as little ******

14. If you like a challenge, say "No" to a toddler.

15. "Sleep when your baby sleeps" is great advice if you can work with your eyes closed.

16. "I think they're closed right now". is one of my favourite lies.

17. "You're all my favourites", is another.

18. Tip: if your child gets invited to a party but you don’t like the parents, give the gift of a harmonica. 

19. When I’m not feeling well, my lovely kids will always check on me to see if they can have a snack.

20. The average cost of raising a child is €18,000 per annum. The average cost of raising a dog is €1,000 per annum. I’ll just let that settle with you for a minute.

21. I’m currently on a 'moob’ reducing detox and I’ve found that If you replace a scone with an orange you can lose up to 90% of the joy in having breakfast.

22. Parenting Hack: just joking there are none. Sorry.


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*In need of some top suncream tips? Here are 10 from an expert.