There are no two ways about it, dating in 2019 is a minefield.
People are more likely to stand next to you in a bar so as to match you on a dating app than to actually speak to you in person, there are endless channels of communication - none of which involve speaking - and, as if that wasn't enough, there is an onslaught of Millennial terms to keep up with.
At 28 years of age, I'm struggling to keep up.
Our social media profiles are fast becoming self-advertisement, not just for our careers as the good people of LinkedIn intended, but for our love lives.
Dating apps like Tinder and Bumble link to our Instagram and Spotify accounts, meaning that just about anyone can find out where we're buying our coffee and what we're listening to while we drink it.
Unfortunately, the nation's dating habits are out of our control but we here at RTÉ LifeStyle are more than happy to translate the new language of 'love'.
If you have any experience with online dating, you're probably familiar with this one.
You start chatting to someone online, you're getting on well, maybe you even meet up for a drink. Then - poof - all of a sudden that person has disappeared from your radar. They don't text back, they delete you from Snapchat and they're never heard from again. You've been ghosted.
So let's say your date has turned into Casper. They haven't been in touch, they're not texting you back, and they're certainly not liking your latest selfies. Fine.
Except they still watch your Instagram stories.
Yep, you're being haunted. This person won't get in touch directly but there will be small signs of them everywhere on your social media for weeks - or maybe even years - to come. Spooky.
Why would anyone keep checking up on your social media if they're not interested in dating? Well, because they might be interested in the future. They're keeping an eye on you in case the day comes around when they do want to get back in touch. You're been benched.
When the time comes to call you back into the game, your 'special' someone may start leaving you breadcrumbs.
Just when you thought you were ready to cut ties and get them out of your head, this potential bae will RT your tweets, like your new profile photo on Facebook or respond to your latest Instagram story.
It's non-commital contact that will keep you engaged without actually promising you anything.
In an ideal world, we would cut anyone who ghosted, haunted or breadcrumbed us but, as they say, all is fair in love and war and the population in Ireland is throwing up a ratio of 97.8 men for every 100 women - so here we are.
Hopefully, by now, your love interest will have copped on and you'll be wined and dined to your heart's content. Alternatively, you will enter a back burner relationship whereby the person you're dating stays in contact juuust enough to keep you interested but never commits to being exclusive.
They will keep you on the backburner as an option, not quite letting you go unless they have someone else to go to. One day you may wake up and realise that you're single - having never actually broken up with the person. This drawn-out ghosting is also known as a slow-fade.
Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse.
Remember the guy that ghosted you after two dates? Well, get ready because - much like the monsters from Night of the Living Dead - he's coming to get you, Barbara.
This person will show up unannounced and will probably gaslight you into believing that you both ended things mutually the first time around.
'Gaslighting' is a term that describes the action of manipulating a person into doubting themselves whether it be their memory or their perception of things.
On a serious note, gaslighting can be particularly toxic and in April 2018, a bill outlawing psychological abuse in relationships was passed in the Dáil. If you are in a situation where you need support, contact Women's Aid.*
Have you ever gone on a really big rollercoaster? One that made your stomach drop? One where you felt sick with nerves? Well, this sensation can also occur when deep-liking.
We've all been there. You're scrolling through your crush's social media feed when, suddenly, you're in deep. You've gone back - like, way back - to their family trip to Tenerife in 2008 or you've managed to fall down a rabbit hole that led you to their ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend's sister's profile.
Then it happens. Due to scrolling fatigue, your thumb slips and you accidentally like the post. No matter how fast you 'un-like' it, you know they've got the notification. You've deep-liked.
This one does what it says on the tin. Like a majestic peacock, you are showing off everything your mammy gave you. This can be done both on and offline whether it be flashing the cash on a date or by curating a carefully crafted Instagram page that screams #fitspo #inspo and #goals.
Do you ever feel like you're constantly preparing the people you're dating for their next relationship? They're never quite ready to 'put a label' on things, they're afraid to commit or they just can't handle settling down right now. And yet, two months after you've broken up, they're walking down the aisle?
You're a relationship fluffer.
There ain't nothin' easy about these Sunday mornings.
Once upon a time, dating had a linear progression whereby two people would go on a date - perhaps to the movies or for a meal - get to know one another, fall into a relationship and then spend lazy Sundays together drinking tea and reading the papers.
These days, Sundays are either full of fear from last night's antics or they're used to put a potential relationship to the test.
You've bumped into each other or nights out, you've met for cocktails**, you've watched the match over pints - but will you like one another whilst sober on a Sunday?
Finding the dating scene too tough? Time to see what the ex is up to...
If the person you're speaking to seems too good to be true, they probably are. Catfishing occurs when one person lures another into a relationship by using a fake profile and photos.
This one, like so many of the others, is just plain rude.
Imagine that you've successfully managed to land yourself a date with a person who has neither catfished or ghosted you. Hurray!
You've picked a time, found the perfect dinner spot, and dressed up to the nines only to have your date look at their phone throughout the entire meal. You've been side-barred.
Sliding into your DMs
A DM is a direct message which means that, rather than comment on a photo or post, this person has decided to message you privately.
Often, people will skip dating apps altogether and seek out a date on social media. This is perfectly acceptable on platforms such as Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. However, for those of you using LinkedIn to have a creep - cease and desist.
Summer is the perfect time to be single; you're partying at music festivals, holidaying with friends and generally just having the time of your life with a 99 in hand. Winter, on the other hand...
Cuffing season is a time where people combat the cold of November and bleakness of January with a relationship. Once the clocks go back, it's time to couple up.
Netflix and Chill
If someone asks you to come over to their place to "watch Netflix and chill", just know that this is a euphemism for sex and don't expect to dig into the latest Louis Theroux doc.
As we said, dating is 2019 is a minefield but that doesn't mean you should put up with any of the above behaviour! We here at RTÉ LifeStyle are simply sharing the language so you can spot it - and call it out - from a mile away.
*If you, or anyone you know, is experiencing domestic abuse you can call Women Aid's 24hr National Freephone Helpline on 1800 341900.