Alison Keating psychologist and Ray O'Neill, psychoanalyst are back on the Ray D'Arcy Show on RTÉ Radio 1 and they are going to be with us once a month to deal with your relationship problems.
"My partner refuses to mind our son when I go to work" complained one, saying her partner felt nervous around their son and wouldn’t be left alone with him.
The issue was wearing away at the relationship and eliciting criticism from family and friends. Allison said that it was encouraging to hear that the listener had compassion for her partner but that serious conversations were needed.
"For the couple, I think it’s so important to get to the root.
"I like that she really is coming at it in a kind of connected way and she’s saying, what’s the problem here, how can we get to this?"
Ray agrees and says that solutions are possible but the right type of conversation is needed.
"It’s not an easy thing to speak of because the most natural thing in the world we’re told is for fathers to love and play and interact with their children but we all have different stories…
"She obviously has compassion for him, give him time and space to talk about whatever it is. Again a very practical thing is maybe in childminding to have somebody in the house with him."
The next listener was concerned that after 18 years and 5 children with her partner, he has finally agreed to get married and she’s not experiencing the fairy tale feeling she always dreamed she’d have.
Allison says: "I do think we have to be careful what we wish for… The idea of being married was a fantasy although they had the reality of having five children and having basically an adult life together as a unit.
"I think it’s totally fine to have some questions. I think we are so terrified of having any doubt and I think that’s the problem kind of with the propaganda with weddings is that you should be excited, you should be this…
"What is right is what’s right with her… I’d go for a walk or a cup of coffee or a dinner and share with him gently at first your concerns and just open a conversation."
Another listener contacted the programme outlining her struggle with getting her relationship back on track after her husband’s affair. That begs the question, can a marriage survive an affair?
Alison says yes when two people work very hard, but it will never be the same again once the trust is broken.
Ray says, "You can survive an affair if you’re both determined to survive. But you can’t survive if somebody else is pulling you back into the drowning water.
"You can survive if you both step out, catch your breath, mind each other, listen to each other.
"Trust, when it’s broken at such a fundamental level, it’s gone and you have to acknowledge that and then you see what happens next."
Listen to the full conversation in the video above.
