From Tetris to Tupperware and baby wipes to revenge lists, here are a few things I learned as a dad this week.
1. The only thing I want to try in the bedroom these days is eight hours sleep.
2. Wouldn’t it be great if you could tap your kids to see how long is left when they are telling you a story, similar to when you tap the screen on a YouTube video?
3. First week of school: Lunches made the night before and clothes laid out. Second month of school: Kids sleep in their clothes for the following day while I direct them on how to make their lunches from my bed.
4. Tetris and Tupperware drawers are pretty much one and the same.
5. Baby wipes should be renamed Swiss Army Wipes because there’s not much I don’t use them for.
6. Apparently, no one calls more than a husband doing the grocery shop. #AtLeastImDoingIt
7. I’m never more grateful for my kids than when I see other more annoying kids having a ‘tantrum fest’ in public.
8. I agree with my kids a lot just so they will stop talking.
9. There’s nothing more satisfying than getting up a good three hours before I have to go to work and still somehow end up being late. #ThanksKidsSorryBoss
10. What doesn’t kill you DOESN'T actually make you stronger; It wakes you up by jumping on your head, telling you that they’ve wet the bed and they want breakfast. #GoodMorningThing2
11. Last weekend went as planned. We did feck all of any of our plans.
12. If you've ever wondered what it's like to be moaned at in surround sound, I recommend having 3 kids.
13. 6yo: "Dad whats the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?"
Me: "One will see you later and the other will see you in a while." #DadJoke
14. I'm currently working on a 'Revenge List' for when my kids are teens.
15. Date nights - we deserve them and look forward to them, even though on Saturday night I found some dried poo - not mine - on the side of my nail just where the nail curves into the finger.
Never forget where you've come from or what you're going back to.