Asking for It author Louise O'Neill has joined Britain’s Got Talent's Alesha Dixon and Digital Influencer Leanne Woodfull in the international Always' #LikeAGirl campaign in a bid to educate, inspire and build confidence in young women.
According to the campaign's report; 64% of women aged 16-24 lost confidence during puberty with 94% of those succumbed to the fear of failing during this time while 67% admitted to avoiding new things all together.
We spoke to Louise about these findings, her war against Twitter trolls and her advice to young women fighting the fear of failure.
How did you get involved with this campaign and what changes do you think it will bring about?
The phrase "like a girl" has been used in a pejorative sense for such a long time, I thought it was a really interesting idea to try and subvert that meaning.
Interview continues below this example of the campaign Louise is supporting.
Interview contd...
When they approached me this year and asked me if I would be involved with Alesha Dixon, and Leanne Woodfull for the Irish campaign, I automatically said yes because it felt like such an authentic match because so much of my work is geared towards working with young women and young girls.
Personally, this year, the fear of failure had such personal resonance for me that I just jumped at the chance to be a part of this campaign.
Reportedly, 67% of women are avoiding new things because they're scared of failing and not looking perfect. Do you think things are worse for young women because of social media?
I'm very loathed to blame social media for everything because I think that's sort of a simplistic answer and I think it's something that people tend to do because it's such an easy thing to blame but, you know, social media is such a double edged sword.
While at times there are many attributes and things that I would personally find very beneficial, I suppose it does also have a negative impact. It is putting more pressure on young people because you're always so aware of the way that you look and the image that you're presenting to the world.
This idea of perfection, which I think is something that women of all ages really struggle with, is magnified by having their lives playing out on social media.
You have such a strong and opinionated persona on social media despite the fact that you often face abuse from trolls. How do you stay strong in the face of negative comments?
I wanted to write a book for ages but I kept putting it off because I was afraid of failing which is why this campaign really resonated with me.
There was so much tied into that; I was afraid of failing, I was afraid that if I wrote a book and it wasn't perfect, you know, how would I deal with that? How would I deal with that failure and how would I deal with that sense of rejection?
Another aspect was the fear of what other people would think or how other people would view me after writing the novel. I had to put all of that aside and just say 'I don't care about any of that, I don't care what people think of me, I only care about the people in my life and whether they like me' and they seem to like me so far [laughs] I mean they say they do, it's hard to tell.
I think we're [women] brought up to really be aware of the effect that we're having on other people. I think women tend to be, and I'm sure there are men who feel the same way, but I think, in general, women tend to be conditioned and socialised in a way that makes them very, I suppose...to try and be people pleasers, to try and be likeable, to try and be nice and I always say there's a huge difference between being nice and being kind. I think kind is very important where as I think nice is a sort of gendered term that tries to enforce certain behaviour on women.
Look, it's not easy, I'll get this abuse online and sometimes it's a little bit unsettling to realise that there are people who really hate you. What I find surprising is that, you know, I'm not Donald Trump and what I'm trying to do is just to start a conversation about women, about feminism, about equality, gender roles and I suppose it just proves the need for feminism.
When a woman has a strong opinion, she is so often shouted down. I think for me, and I've said it before, it's not just about me anymore. Sometimes, I feel like 'oh would my life be easier if I got off social media?' or 'would my life be easier if I gave up my column?' but it isn't just about me.
There are young women and young girls who are watching this [online abuse] happen to me and they're looking to see what my reaction is and if I give up or if I am shouted down or if I allow trolls to silence me then, I suppose, they've won and I am very determined not to let those kinds of people win.
There are a lot of conversations happening in the media and among celebrities like Taylor Swift in regards to feminism. Do you think it is gaining momentum or is it being viewed as a passing trend?
I think a number of years ago it was much more socially acceptable to say 'I'm not a feminist' but I think that's just an indication of the times we're living in. I also think five years ago it was also much more socially acceptable to say 'I'm not very interested in politics', where as now, I think the time for that kind of apathy has dissipated because there's such a sense of urgency in the world climate and what we're facing at the moment.
I think it's really important, personally, for all men and all women to identify as feminists and it's an unfortunate thing where people say 'it isn't me' or 'it needs a brand change' or 'its the word people have issue with' because, really, that doesn't matter.
What really matters is the true meaning of feminism which is equal rights and opportunities for men and for women and I think that any right minded individual with a sense of justice would want that.
I don't understand when men say - again, not all men - but when some men say 'oh, i'm not interested in that because it doesn't affect me'. I don't understand that because, lets say with Black Lives Matter - that's something that I'm very passionate about and feel very strongly about but obviously I'm a white person.
It would be akin to me saying 'that doesn't affect me so why bother?' and I think that we're all human beings and we all should all be equal. Unless all of us are equal, none of us are.
How can we help to empower young women and encourage them to fear failure a little less?
I was reading this book called The Confidence Code and it was so interesting because they interviewed people from Sheryl Sandberg to Angela Merkel and Christine Lagarde who is the MD of the IMF [International Monetary Fund] and it was so interesting to see them all talk about this idea of imposter syndrome and over preparing for meetings because of this fear of being caught out and, you can just see, underneath all of that is this fear of failure.
In that book, they talked to an NBA recruiter who trained both male and female athletes and he said that women were much more afraid to get it wrong than the male players. I think that is because of a fear of failure.
Again, we're sort of taught that we have to be better, that we have to achieve more, that we're sort of being held up to a much higher moral standard than our male peers so I think that it really is about trying to look at that - that idea that we have to be better or that we can't get it wrong and trying to re-frame the idea of failure so that we don't look at it as a personal failing but as an experience to learn and to grow.
So, as for advice that I would give to young women; first of all, if you're not failing then I think you're not living a daring enough life because failure is absolutely essential if you want to achieve success. There's just no one who has ever achieved anything of any great consequence that has never failed - that just doesn't exist.
The other piece of advice that I always give to young women is something I heard a few years ago and found very helpful which is "other's people opinion of you is none of your business". I have to tell myself that a lot when the trolls start coming.
Louise O'Neill's new book Almost Love will be out on March 8th, 2018.
