Ah, the dad joke. We've all experienced them. A joke that's one part humour, one part lack of humour but guaranteed to be groan-worthy, lame, pun-filled and usually embarrassingly bad...and sad!
That said, we do love them regardless of whether they make us laugh, groan or cry.
Here are a few of my favourites that I found on the Interweb. Feel free to add your own in the comments section below. Enjoy.
1. Child: ‘Dad, can you make me a sandwich!’ Dad: ‘Poof, You’re a sandwich!’
2. Child: 'Can I watch the TV?' Dad: 'Yes, but don’t turn it on'.
3. What do you call a man with no nose and no body? Nobody nose.
4. Anytime I do something smart my dad says, ‘Wow, you’re a fart smella…I mean smart fella!’
5. What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
6. I’ve deleted the numbers of all the Germans I know from my mobile phone. Now it’s Hans free.
7. Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
8. Dad I’m hungry…“Hi hungry” I’m dad.
9. One of my friends went up to my Portuguese dad and asked "You're Portuguese right?". He said " No I'm Portugoose. There's only one of me".
10. What do you call an Argentinian with a rubber toe? Roberto.
11. Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water? Because if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat.
12. What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.
13. Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
14. How much does a hipster weigh? An Instagram.
15. What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
16. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.
17. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey!
18. "Hey, Dad, whats this movie about?" It's about two hours.
19. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
20. "What time is it?" I don't know...it keeps changing.
21. Whiteboards are remarkable.
22. "I hate oyings." "What is an oying?" "This joke."
23. Did you hear about the restaurant on the Moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
24. If prisoners could take their own mug shots, they'd be called cellfies.
25. Did you hear about the guy who inventedd the knock knock joke? He won the 'no-bell' prize.
26. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
27. Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it's tearable.
28. Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
29. Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
30. Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.
31. I bought shoes from a drug dealer once. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
32. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little horse.
33. Child: "Dad can you put my shoes on?" Dad: "I don't think they'll fit me".
34. Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
35. What do the donkeys on Blackpool beach get for lunch? About 10 minutes.
36. What is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.
37. Did you know that Milk is the fastest liquid on earth? It’s pasteurized before you even see it.
38. Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.
39. What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
40. Have you heard the rumour going around about butter? Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.
That's all folks. If you have a Dad (or Mum) joke that you think will make us laugh put it in the comments section below. Who knows, there might even be a prize...
DD
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