It's fair to say that the story of how Fiona Whyte and Seán Malone fell in love and had children is complicated. They joined Marian to share their story of IVF, adoption and eventually, surrogacy.
Fiona and Seán grew up together in Miltown Malbay, Clare, but drifted by the time they reached adulthood. They went their separate ways, each marrying and having children. Fiona’s marriage broke up in 2006, while Sean also separated from his wife.
The couple crossed paths again on Fiona’s regular trips home to see her mother in Miltown Malbay, where Seán ran a pub.
“There was a spark and that spark ignited,” said Fiona.
The couple began to see each other covertly at first. By this stage, both were in their late forties. Fiona had two teenage sons from her previous marriage, while Sean also had a son.
But they knew they wanted to commit to each other, and having a child together was something they desperately wanted.
“For me, a natural progression is to want to have a child together and that’s to proclaim your love but also to cement that relationship…we didn’t jump into it lightly.”
When natural methods failed, the couple decided to seek IVF treatment in Spain. Fiona became pregnant but miscarried after eleven weeks. When Fiona reached her 50th birthday, she was no longer eligible for treatment, so the couple looked to adoption in Ireland.
They found it a “very unpleasant and bureaucratic” experience, exacerbated by the fact that they were not married. So surrogacy became the last option, and Fiona began looking for information in Ireland.
“The minute I mentioned surrogacy, the shutters came down. They wouldn’t talk to me, they couldn’t talk to me. Although it felt like asking for something illegal, it is neither legal nor illegal. I couldn’t get information.”
The couple chose the Corion Clinic in Mumbai, India, established in 2010 under the direction of Dr. Kushal Kadam, who had worked previously in the Rotunda Hospital in Dublin.
It was well regulated, said Fiona, and the process was relatively quick. Surrogacy is very popular in India, reported to be worth $1 billion a year to the economy. The couple traveled to the clinic in January 2013 and began the process of choosing a surrogate.
“We were sitting in the waiting room and seven beautiful ladies were brought out and stood in front of us and we were told we were to choose our surrogate mother. It was a very, very surreal moment.”
The couple chose a woman named Shobha, based on her physical health and suitability. She told Fiona and Sean that the money she earned from the process would help her to make a better life for her own children. Shobha had three embryos implanted, which resulted in a pregnancy of triplets.
However, for the safety of the surrogate mother, the clinic’s policy dictates that only two babies could be carried to term, so the third had to be aborted. It is something Fiona thinks about every day.
“It was so ironic, we had tried for so long…it is heartbreaking. I think of that third baby, and I think of that baby I miscarried. I won’t ever forget them.”
Nine months later, Fiona and Sean were lucky enough to become parents to twins, Donal and Ruby. The couple made a documentary about their experience and admitted much of the reaction was negative.
Some people criticised the couple’s decision to seek surrogacy while in their fifties, while others raised concerns about possible exploitation of the surrogate. Sean said he understood the criticism, but the reality for women like Shobha was not going to change anytime soon.
“All things are relative. If you’re aware of the circumstances Shobha was living in, in a country where 70 percent of people live below the poverty line, can she wait for city hall to change? I don’t think so.”
Back in Ireland, the couple faced a battle to be recognised as the twins’ legal parents and are now advocates for surrogacy laws and regulation. The twins, Donal and Ruby, will turn 4 in September.
Written by Rhona Tarrant.
This interview was first broadcast on Saturday 11th March on The Marian Finucane Show. You can listen in full by clicking here.
The couple wrote a book called, Without A Doubt, An Irish Couple’s Journey Through IVF, Adoption, and Surrogacy. It’s published by Merrion Press.
