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Clinical psychologist, David Coleman, is a regular guest on Today with Sean O’Rourke and his contributions are always balanced, professional and, in many cases, reassuring to listeners.
Sean O’Rourke presented David Coleman with a range of questions on RTÉ Radio 1 that had come in by e-mail from several of those listeners, including one from the mother of a five-year-old boy who started school last September.
His teacher has now raised issues about his learning and behaviour in school, which includes the boy seeming to be in “a world of his own” and a more specific issue where he got extremely erratic, upset and was crying because his lunch had been moved.
The teacher thinks that the child could possibly be on the autistic spectrum and is adamant that a test should take place.
David’s advice?
“Lots of parents naturally are worried that their child is going to be labelled. I am not a fan of diagnosing kids with 'stuff', simply for the sake of diagnosing them.
"Sometimes, I think there are probably a cohort of parents who actually just would like to know that there is a ‘something’ that explains it, that it is not my fault as a parent, that there is something intrinsic to my child that is causing these difficulties.”
On the other hand, facing up to difficulties can be very tough. “For the majority of parents,” said David, “the thought that their child might have a ‘something’, that there is something wrong with the child, is really distressing. We can often be very resistant to it.”
“It is hard to hear sometimes that there may be something up with their children. At the same time, the good thing with an assessment is that it is literally an exploratory look to see 'is there something there?'"
"What might come out of the end of it is that this mother is reassured that there is nothing wrong with her child.”
David also fielded another query from a listener with a six-year-old daughter, who is becoming absolutely obsessive about her looks, particularly her hair. According to the mother, this is affecting her life and she is constantly late for school, erupting in a tantrum if she feels her hair is not perfect.
“She erupts in a tantrum if it’s not perfect, as she sees it. She spends a HUGE amount of her day looking in the mirror fixing it, or genuinely upset, because she cannot cope with the fact that it doesn’t look perfect.”
A third query concerned an extremely tough issue, and one to which a straightforward “what to do” answer is equally difficult.
“My husband died by suicide last year. Our only child is seven years old. I told her that her dad got very sick in the head and body and he died. It was the hardest and saddest thing I have ever had to do. I know it is not good to lie to children but I believe she is too young to be told the horrible truth of what he did. But I am concerned she will find out from somebody else what actually happened.”
What is the professional advice in relation to telling young children the exact truth surrounding such a traumatic event? Should the mother be honest with her daughter before she starts secondary school, when she is more likely to have it said to her, or should she wait until her daughter is 18? When might she be able to understand more about depression and understand better why it happened? David addressed all of these worries and queries in his reply on the programme - listen back above or below.
The tone of this listener’s letter clearly indicated the stress she is feeling and some listeners who had been in the same position had their say, by text and e-mail.
To listen to David Coleman’s contributions on all of these issues in full, click here.
