In this edition of My Mental Life, singer-songwriter Declan O'Rourke reflects on what makes his creative mind tick, reveals how he has dealt with episodes of strong panic attacks and talks about how he manages to keep them at bay now.
Paul Weller once described Declan O’Rourke’s debut single, Galileo (Someone Like You) as “possibly the greatest song written in the last 30 years.” Here at RTÉ Lifestyle, we think The Modfather might have been on to something. Dublin-born, Galway-based singer-songwriter Declan has recently released a new album, In Full Colour, a sort of ‘best of’ but with re-imaginings of previously-released tracks, and four new songs, accompanied by the RTÉ Concert Orchestra.
“If you cut your knee you get a scar; it’s just a scar and it’s there to admire,” he tells Sheena Madden in his signature imagery-laden style, “It’s the same with this. Just look at it and see it for what it is.”
1. Tell us about your morning routine.
First thing first: I get up and let the dog out to clear his mind.
Then I hop back into bed - not to sleep though. I switch my phone to airplane mode and try to work on a song that’s been rattling around, or maybe a new one. Waking up your mind is still half dreaming; your sub-conscious is still having fun. It’s easier to be creative now than last thing before closing the eyes. I’ll stay at it for an hour maybe; if I’m getting somewhere with a good song I’ll stay longer.
I find if I start looking at emails or anything to do with work, creativity is on the back burner. It’s the same with heading downstairs.
I get distracted by dishes needing cleaning or any one of a million other things around the house. Above all I never turn on the radio!
When I do get up, I try do about 10-15 minutes of skipping, a few exercises, a bit of rowing... Frank Underwood style! Routines come and go though. All this is on non-gig days.
2. What do you love about your working life?
A creative life is one that’s hopefully in touch with yourself; you get to examine yourself and your conscience as a vocation. Along with everything else, most people don’t have time to think about and play music. What’s not to love?
Besides that, music is a gateway - to anywhere. You meet the best of people around the world and get a welcome you might not otherwise. It has an instantaneous effect of making you ‘not a stranger’ - a friend.
3. What stresses does your work bring and how do you deal with them?
I’m always moving and I hate the travelling. Airports: yuck.
It’s very hard to keep any routine consistently, for the other things you want to do consistently. Other interests have to take a back seat, despite the best of intentions.
I’m not great at getting myself to places on time - again routine would help with this - but every day at work is a different place, different obstacles. I’m pretty laid back though and getting better at it. I would surely miss the moving if I had to sit still. Not airports though!
6. What does the phrase ‘work-life balance’ mean to you?
Not much. They are pretty much the same thing in my world! I love my work. I love my life.
4. What do you do in your down time?
When I have it, I stick on my blue trousers and try and do some DIY, muck around in the garden. But I’m never not working... even with the blue trousers on. They’re as close as it gets though!
The thing about creativity is that when it’s flowing, it’s like meditation; freedom; everything is good; you feel like you’re fulfilling your purpose.
It’s a holiday for your mind and you don’t need downtime so much. I guess everyone can do this, if they meditate, or try be mindful or whatever.
5. Do you prioritise your down time?
Not as much as I’d like to. I have started trying to recently, though, for the sake of other people around me.
6. What do you do to unwind before bed?
I’m not great at that. My mind comes alive at night and I have to tell myself to switch off. The clock goes faster and I’m trying to get things done. I know I need sleep, though, so I try to manage it!
7. What do you like to treat yourself with that’s ‘just for you’?
Good question. My job is full of ‘just for me’ moments. Again, artistic endeavours are generally a very selfish pursuit. I love drawing, but don’t get so much time for it. When I do though, wow, talk about losing time!
8. What are the signs that let you know it's time to slow down a bit or take a holiday?
Other people tell me! But I’ve come to know the signs. I have an ability to ignore the need for sleep or food when I need to get stuff done, which I know is dangerous, and I’ve stretched it all too often, but it is something I’m good at, and very useful. I think I know myself fairly well. When I start talking a lot I know I’m tired. When I’m not talking at all I’m in a great spot.
9. Do you pay as much attention to your mental health as you do your physical health?
I do; probably more so than physical.
10. Do you have a 'calm down quick' tip?
I think if I need to be calm I just look past whatever is bothering me; I continue in spite of it. There’s a fuzzy part of my brain that just says ‘ah f@!@ it’ and I plough on. Breathing and concentrating on slow breathing is great, though.
11. Do you have personal experience of a time when your mental health wasn’t at its best?
I’ve had two points in my life when I went through phases of having panic attacks. When I say phases, I mean they look like only a couple of blips along the timeline of my life, but when it’s happening and you don’t understand it, it feels like the end of the world.
The first time was when I was 19 or 20 and living abroad. I was young and in an experimental stage. I tried acid, with some fairly dark consequences and I couldn’t sleep properly for about two years; I was afraid to go to sleep.
I was experiencing panic attacks before the phrase ‘panic attack' was even on my register. I didn’t talk to anyone about it because I was afraid I’d worry everyone. I would have these sudden intense bursts of fear or embarrassment, wildly anxious emotions, and I’d be frozen in the grip of it. These episodes were so random. I started to associate whatever I was doing at the time with the occurrences. This went on for a while, and it was very scary. But at a certain point, I realised I was cutting off my favourite music, good things and experiences which didn’t make sense.
I thought to myself, 'Where would all this end’ if I logically followed it. I think that helped me to figure it out somehow and gradually I built confidence again. I told myself that if I could get thought that time I could survive anything, and I did, it made me a stronger person. I don’t regret it.
The second time was, I think, a relapse of that about ten years later, which just happened to accompany a lot of big changes in my life.
I think because I had never really figured out what was happening the first time it was like a dark threat lurking in the back of my mind that had to raise its ugly head again one day.
It was even more frightening the second time. I wasn’t a kid anymore. You feel like you should have all this stuff figured out by now.
Anyway, thankfully, salvation lay in talking to people about it, as difficult as that was, and realising I was not the only person in the world going through this. It’s so important to talk to people.
In fact, it was when I was talking to my brother, who shared some experiences that made me laugh out loud, and it was so funny and ridiculous, I still laugh about it now - that was the turning point.
It took a good year to set my mind straight again, though, and there are always residual triggers that you’re left with. You just have to combat it with certain tools and remember how you got through it all before. If you cut your knee you get a scar; it’s just a scar and it’s there to admire. It’s the same with this. Just look at it and see it for what it is.
Massive help came in the form of a fantastic book written in the 70s which was a bible for me whenever I had a relapse, though, and for a while, I did get them. Essential Help for your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes - it helped me understand what was happening both physiologically and psychologically.
Knowledge is the key.
