Analysis: It is one of life's most private and personal choices, yet is often met with a public backlash and non-acceptance from family and society
An increasing number of women in Ireland are choosing not to have children. Rising living costs, housing shortages, employment precarity and the changing nature of family life are cited as some of the many practical influencing factors. But what if a woman simply decides 'she' just does not want to have children, or lacks the inherent desire or longing to have them?
Are there consequences and if so, how does she navigate what is often perceived as a strange, lonely and infinitely selfish life choice? These are some of the questions I asked a group of 12 women of all different ages and from different parts of Ireland who voluntarily agreed to partake in my research.
Historical context
In Ireland, the Catholic Church and the Irish State were historically some of the key institutions promoting the values of procreation and motherhood within the confines of marriage. Acknowledged within Bunreacht na hÉireann, preached from the pulpit and socially and culturally embedded, large families constituted the norm in Ireland. There was little space for women to navigate an alternative life choice, save remaining a spinster, joining the nuns or gaining employment in a caring profession such as teaching or nursing.
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Changes to the Irish landscape, particularly during the 1960s and 1970s, saw the introduction of free secondary education, the lifting of the marriage bar and removing long-term restrictions in the workplace for women. They were a critical reflection on the changing attitude toward the nature of women’s lives in Ireland.
The emergence of historical child sexual abuse allegations against members of the Catholic clergy in the 1990s caused further damage to the somewhat unblemished reputation of the church and led to a questioning of their moral authority.
How women’s lives have changed
Considering the above, women perceived that marriage and motherhood were no longer the only options available to them. Consequently, increasing numbers of recently educated women flocked to world of paid employment. Research from the Central Statistics Office (CSO) shows that the number of women in paid employment has more than doubled since the 1990s to almost 1,310,600 in 2024.
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With more choice available to them, growing numbers of women are choosing to opt out of motherhood. Some do so because of a desire to pursue a career in the competitive world of paid employment, while some wish to pursue a desire for travel and a life of their own. Others do so due to a simple lack of desire or longing to procreate or mother.
However, this personal life choice has very public consequences for many women as they are consistently questioned, challenged or confronted about it. Furthermore, they are expected to defend, justify or account for it in some way. Rarely is it accepted as a legitimate life choice.
A 'selfish' decision
The women I spoke with experienced pressure to procreate and mother, with some describing it as stigmatising. One woman spoke of a work colleague who described her decision as selfish. Another woman referred to the comments made by her father which she felt undermined her decision: ‘you can run away from your instincts for so long', her father said, 'but you know, you should have children, that’s how everybody is’.
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To manage and overcome the pressure, perceived stigma and negative judgement encountered the women developed techniques or strategies to defend or account for their decision. Some women feigned infertility, concealed their decision, or used the pretence of delay or postponement as a justification.
Some remained steadfastly silent and avoided discussing it for fear of negative judgement or personal critique. Others, particularly those who were confident in their decision spoke openly about it without fear or repercussion. These women fully accepted their decision as legitimate and did not require approval from others. As one of the women said, 'I don’t really take on the judgements, I just do my own thing’.
Not a new phenomenon
Women’s voluntary childlessness is not a new phenomenon, and women have always found ways to avoid and overcome pregnancy and motherhood. Whether that be through spiritual vocation, pursuing life as an unmarried woman, engaging in caring professions, or by using ancient remedies to induce early abortions.
The matter remains a contentious one. Women have more choices available to them than ever before, but there are social and cultural limitations to those choices. This is particularly true when it comes to the decision about whether to have children. It is perhaps one of life’s most private and personal choices and yet, it is consistently met with public backlash, non-acceptance, or acceptance with justification.
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The views expressed here are those of the author and do not represent or reflect the views of RTÉ
