Analysis: Attachment trauma has its roots in infancy and childhood, but has a powerful impact on our relationships in adulthood
Humans and animals are born with a powerful need and ability to form connections with others. It is what sustains us and makes us thrive. As newborns and infants this is what helps us survive as we rely on our parents and caregivers to feed us, keep us safe and warm and to bond with us emotionally. This is attachment. When a rift or disruption develops in a significant attachment relationship, attachment trauma occurs.
Attachment trauma can happen for many different reasons – the loss or absence of a parent or caregiver, neglect, both emotional and physical, and in extreme cases due to physical, emotional and sexual abuse. Attachment trauma has its roots in infancy and childhood, yet it has a powerful impact on people who have experienced a breakdown in key relationships as their lives progress and they enter into adulthood.
There are two significant questions that people who have experienced attachment trauma frequently ask themselves in adulthood. What impact will this have on how I form significant relationships with others? What kind of parent will I be – am I going to repeat what I experienced as a child? To answer these questions it is important to know the four attachment styles and also to know the neurobiology of attachment. Just as our ability to form relationships with others is innate, so too is our capacity to build a restorative experience with others having experienced past attachment trauma.
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The four types of attachment
There are four styles of attachment, each of them based on what we as individuals lived through in infancy and early childhood. Each attachment style has an influence on how we relate to others as we move through life.
Secure Attachment: This is when a child experiences parents who are responsive, sensitive and timely in meeting their needs and bond with them emotionally.
Insecure- Avoidant Attachment: In this form of attachment the parent/caregiver is emotionally distant and does not pick up on cues from their child that they need care and reassurance. From a child's perspective this is perceived as rejection.
Insecure- Ambivalent Attachment: This attachment style is characterised by unpredictable patterns. Lack of routine and uncertainty for the child regarding when their parent or caregiver will be physically and emotionally available to them. Along with this can be periods of intense interest on the part of the parent, but none of this is expected or regular for the child.
Insecure- Disorganised Attachment: This is a space of chaos where the child cannot predict what will happen and as a result is living in a place of fear and confusion.
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Attachment styles can be repeated by people when they become parents themselves and they can also be replicated in relationships. An example of this would be someone who has experienced insecure- avoidant attachment as a baby and young child and then has difficulty committing to secure and lasting relationships as an adult.
Is the experience of attachment trauma bound to repeat itself in our lives and shape our relationships with other adults and our children? The answer to this question is that due to interpersonal neurobiology we can alter our attachment styles. Interpersonal neurobiology is the science of how we form attachment relationships and also develop new neurological pathways in the brain to alter our attachment styles due to evolving self-awareness as we mature. As a result, we can create new and healing attachment styles.
How can Attachment Trauma be repaired?
Interpersonal neurobiology is a combination of neuroscience and attachment research. Think of the brain and the mind as two separate entities. The brain processes information and through neurones, lays down pathways which allow us to process and respond to information we receive as individuals. The mind is where we make sense and interpret the information the brain receives. The brain is the neuroscientific part of interpersonal neurobiology and the mind is the attachment part of interpersonal neurobiology. The mind has the capacity to take the information processed by the brain and use it to frame how we as individuals experience attachment.
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How does this work in terms of repairing attachment trauma? As we move from childhood to adulthood we become aware of our early life experiences and how they have shaped us as people. We can also become aware of people and situations that "trigger", or bring up, memories of past experiences which bring us to repeat patterns of behaviour that in the past protected us but are no longer effective at our present stage in life e.g. someone who has experienced insecure- avoidant attachment deciding to end a relationship because they have a fear that if they trust the other person they will eventually be abandoned.
Becoming aware of how we experienced attachment is the first step in repairing attachment trauma. Using these experiences to identify what causes us to repeat past behaviour is the next part of the process. Finally, deciding what it is that we want to do differently is the third step and this step is rooted in neuroscience.
Just as our brains have established long standing connections between neurones that work together which allow us to process information, the brain can develop new connections between neurones that will bring about a different response to information and triggers. This is called positive neuroplasticity. The brain and the mind are working in harmony – the mind to identify past experiences and focus on the desired new response and the brain to get new neurones firing in synchronisation with the mind to bring about a change in how we process and respond to certain information.
What does all of this mean in terms of who we are as individuals and how we build relationships? For anyone who has experienced attachment trauma the message is clear – this does not have to define you. Nothing is set in stone. With knowledge and a lot of courage you can change your attachment style. So take a chance - it might just change your life.
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The views expressed here are those of the author and do not represent or reflect the views of RTÉ
