Analysis: asexuality is commonly defined as an absence of sexual attraction towards other people, but it's not quite as simple as that
By Sinead Kelleher and Mike Murphy, UCC
Although most people are aware of gay, bi and trans identities and orientations, a very high proportion know nothing of the existence of asexual people. Asexual characters are close to absent in the mass media (with at least one honourable exception – Todd in BoJack Horseman). Unlike more recognized sections of the LGBTQ+ community, they don't stand out in older novels or plays either. Yet, at close to 1%, they make up a proportion of the population which is in the region of many better-known sexual minorities.
Asexuality is most commonly defined as an absence of a sexual attraction directed towards other people. Asexual people, otherwise known as 'aces', are typically expected not to be sexually attracted to men, women or non-binary people.
From RTÉ One's Ray D'Arcy Show, what are the most commonly asked questions to an asexual?
But there is a broad range of sub-orientations within the asexual community and asexual people are believed to exist along an 'asexual spectrum'. This involves varying levels of sexual attraction such as gray-A (occasionally sexually attracted; low libido), demisexual (only attracted sexually once strong emotional bonds have been established) and sex-averse (long-standing disinterest in sexual activity). There are also variations in romantic attraction such as aromantic, heteroromantic, biromantic and homoromantic.
Some are open to sex as part of a relationship, but more for their partner than for themselves. An ace can have a sex drive but with no specific external focus and not directed towards anyone. If the interests of straight people can be many and varied, so can those of aces.
But despite their prevalence (there are likely to be 800 aces in a full Croke Park), they are invisible in society. Our recently published research has shown this vividly in aces’ own words on their experiences of life. The notion that such a thing could exist doesn't seem to compute. Family, friends and partners refuse to accept their lack of sexual attraction, with many aces reporting a 'sooner or later you'll find the right person' or a 'when will I have grandkids?' mentality.
From BBC Newsbeat in 2016, 24 year old asexual Robin Dibben tells his story
This has obvious implications for how asexual people negotiate their world and society. Assuming you are straight, gay or bisexual, can you imagine having to launch into lengthy explanations of what you even mean every time you disclose your identity? Having close friends pity you when you describe your disinterest in pursuing a relationship? Having people attribute your sexual orientation to autism, to cowardice, to prudery, to shame, to childhood abuse? Being advised to seek medical or psychological explanations or treatment for your lack of sexual desire?
That's not the only issue arising from the social invisibility of asexuality. There is extensive research on the experience of coming to realize that one is gay, and the experience of processing and accepting the fact. We have recently conducted the first review of research internationally on this experience and process for asexual people.
As with gay people, they reported realising with puberty that they were different. Unlike gay people, however, they had typically never heard of their sexuality's existence and didn't even have a word or concept to describe themselves to themselves. They effectively didn't seem to fit into any known sexual existence.
Trailer for Slow, Marija Kavtaradze's Sundance Film Festival award-winning asexuality drama
Many aces report having sexual encounters or relationships with same-sex and other-sex partners in their youth just to try, just to see, just in case. Others describe being coerced into having sex and told that they can be ‘fixed’. Understandably, these experiences leave many aces questioning the legitimacy of their lack of sexual attraction or feeling excluded within society and ‘left-behind’.
There is a motivation within the ace community to increase visibility of asexuality as well as recognition of this as a legitimate sexual orientation and identity. An increase in outreach activities and visibility work demonstrates this, with many aces expressing a need for more information surrounding asexuality and an obligation to share their pride.
There is a motivation within the ace community to increase visibility of asexuality as well as recognition of this as a legitimate sexual orientation and identity
A growing number of ace groups are taking part in pride events around the world, strengthening the relationship between LGBT and asexual communities. Asexual Awareness Week, which will take place at the end of October 2023, aims to create a space where aces can connect and be recognized. Equally, International Asexuality Day every April aims to promote an understanding of the full asexual spectrum and acknowledge the contributions and experiences of ace people.
So let's engage with this. Let's talk about asexuality. Let’s say LGBTQIA+. If you know yourself to be asexual, or think this description fits you, consider joining the Ace contingent at Pride events. If you want to learn more, check out resources like AVEN. There are plenty asexual people in our society; and asexual people belong just as much as anybody else.
Dr Sinead Kelleher is a lecturer at the School of Applied Psychology at UCC. Dr Mike Murphy is a lecturer in Applied Psychology and Co-Director of the MA in Applied Psychology (Positive & Coaching Psychology) course at the School of Applied Psychology at UCC.
The views expressed here are those of the author and do not represent or reflect the views of RTÉ
