Analysis: there are several reasons why couples may argue and row when on holidays, but they can be avoided
Holidays are often seen as an opportunity for couples to spend quality time together, relax and create unforgettable memories. But it is not uncommon for couples to experience conflicts and arguments during their trips.
There are several reasons why couples may fight when on holidays, including differences in expectations and preferences, financial stress, and lack of communication and planning. In addition, anxiety and fear related to safety, health and the unknown can also cause tension between partners. In this context, it is essential for couples to be aware of these potential stressors and to learn how to navigate them effectively to make the most of their holidays together.
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From RTÉ Radio 1's Drivetime, author and chartered psychologist Allison Keating on why it's better for your health to have a partner or spouse - even if you tend to argue with one another.
The first time I noticed this issue, my husband and I were on the way to the airport going for a long-awaited romantic weekend to Paris when the friend who was driving us said "maybe you guys shouldn't go for a romantic getaway." We were almost at Dublin airport and had been bickering and snapping at each other since we got into the car 30 minutes earlier.
Every time we were travelling somewhere after that, I noticed that the start of the journey was peppered with fights about silly things. I wanted to know why this happened and if other couples have had similar experiences. Knowing this can help you not ruin all your valuable time together by creating some strategies that may help you reconnect. Here are some of the reasons couples fight during their holidays.
Fear of the unknown
One reason why couples may experience anxiety and fear when on holidays is due to the fear of the unknown. Being in an unfamiliar environment, away from home and the comforts of routine can be unsettling and cause anxiety. When couples are experiencing anxiety, they may be more prone to arguing and fighting due to feeling overwhelmed or uncertain about the situation.
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From RTÉ Radio 1's Drivetime, should couples have separate bedrooms?
According to a study by the American Psychological Association, anxiety can lead to irritability, defensiveness and anger, which can all contribute to relationship conflict. We made a pact that we disregard everything we say to each other as we embark on our journey and as we settle and calm down, we look into each other's eyes and reaffirm our excitement to be spending quality time together.
Stress
Holidays can be a time of increased stress, especially if there are travel delays, language barriers, or cultural differences. According to clinical psychologist and author Dr. Seth Meyers, "it can be hard to navigate and adapt when we're in a new environment". Couples may feel overwhelmed by the unfamiliar surroundings, which can lead to irritability, impatience, and conflict. Reduce support expectations and incorporate self-soothing techniques like breathing deeply and slowing down as well as being with patient with yourself and your spouse.
Financial issues
Holidays can be expensive, and budgeting can cause conflicts for couples. A survey by SunTrust Bank found that 35% of couples argued about money while on vacation, and 25% of them said that overspending ruined their holidays. While some people are spenders, others are savers and couples must recognise each other’s spending style and if necessary, assign spending responsibilities to the one who’s good at saving.
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From RTÉ Radio 1's Today with Claire Byrne, financial advisor Eoin McGee from How To Be Good with Money and writer and broadcaster Barbara Scully on how to deal with money if you're part of a couple
Remember, you’re on each other’s team and are there to support each other and to enjoy your time together. Respect how the other one feels and find a middle ground knowing it is more important being together than buying that thing.
Unrealistic expectations, disagreements over activities, accommodations or destinations, and overspending are common sources of tension and conflicts for couples when they go away. To avoid such problems, couples can communicate effectively, plan together and have strategies to recognise tensions and how to dissipate them and make a deal on their preferences and budgets before the trip. By doing so, they can make the most of their holidays and strengthen their relationships.
The views expressed here are those of the author and do not represent or reflect the views of RTÉ
