Analysis: child-to-parent abuse is a very complex phenomenon, and there are many theories as to why it occurs within some families
By Elizabeth Cowdean, Ulster University
Child-to-parent abuse remains largely hidden in families and is both widely unacknowledged and under-researched. This phenomenon is depicted by the experience of a child behaving in a violent and/or abusive manner towards their caregiver or caregivers. It encompasses both physical and non-physical methods to exert power and control over the parent/carer, and can also be financially based. Child-to-parent abuse is largely unrecognised by general society unless it is extreme or lethal as in the case of parricide.
Verbal abuse, such as yelling, screaming, swearing, use of mockery, ridicule and criticising parents' appearance, intelligence, and parenting ability, is often found to be the primary form that develops. Economic or financial abuse, such as theft of possessions or money, fraud, exploitation, coercion, incurring debt that parents are responsible for, damaging property or possessions, can also emerge within the child-to-parent dynamic. But it is when physical abuse, such as hitting, slapping, pushing, kicking, throwing objects, spitting etc, occurs that parents or carers often become aware of the severity of the situation, and their own vulnerability.
Each family system is inherently different and there are various possible reasons why this phenomenon may occur
Emotional abuse is often the form that people find most difficult to live with, as there is an inherent psychological component extending beyond verbal abuse. This includes threats of harm/abandonment (to self, parent, siblings, pets), blackmail, coercion, harassment, humiliation, intimidation, lying, running away, and undermining parents’ confidence and self-esteem.
Academic literature uses various terms to depict the act, the individual undertaking the act, and the target. Referring to the individual undertaking the act, the word child, teenager, and adolescent, are used (encompassing various age bands) with the different action words of violence, abuse, battering, and assault being descriptively used. Additionally the target can encompass solely mothers/female carers, fathers/male carers or both parents/carers. Therefore, terms are used such as 'child-to-parent violence’, 'adolescent-to-parent abuse’, ‘parent-battering’, ‘parent-abuse’, ‘child-to-mother violence’, or ‘child-to-father violence’.
Child-to-parent abuse is a very complex phenomenon, and there are many theories as to why it occurs within some families. Each family system is inherently different and this complexity points to various possible reasons why this phenomenon may occur. While the prevalence of child-to-parent abuse cannot be accurately measured, growing research in the area indicates that child-to-parent abuse is an emerging and serious social concern in many countries around the world.
Parents may also struggle with conflicting emotions in relation to their child
Although there are many significant and detrimental impacts on the young people involved, the focus here is to outline some of the impacts experienced by parents, carers and other family members. Caregivers can face continual stress and distress, which leads to prolonged activation of the stress response system and toxic stress. This in turn, impacts both mental and physical health.
Caregivers and parents may experience both actual and anticipatory fear. Actual fear is experienced during an abusive event as they fear for themselves, the child and other family members. Anticipatory fear is related to not knowing when subsequent child-to-parent abuse will occur and can cause them to live in a perpetual state of hyper-vigilance. Parents can therefore feel powerless as they exist within a mist of unpredictability. Anticipatory fear may also hold the added dimension of acknowledging their child’s continuing physical growth and development, which may place them, and other family members, at an increased level of risk in the future.
Parents may also struggle with conflicting emotions in relation to their child. They may weave between feeling loving and nurturing towards them, and become filled with resentment as a direct result of the child-to-parent abuse they experience. They may also experience feelings of loss towards their child, or feel jealous of others, as others may get to experience a positive and functioning relationship with the child, and they receive the damaging negative aspects indicative of child-to-parent abuse.
The detrimental impacts of child-to-parent abuse are vast and affect the entire family
The relationship between parents/carers can be negatively impacted as additional pressure is placed on their relationship when child-to-parent abuse is present within the home, and parental conflict can escalate when parenting styles differ in relation to how to deal with child-to-parent abuse situations.
Other children within the household can also be detrimentally affected when a child-to-parent abuse dynamic is present. Siblings may be afraid when they witness the interactions between their sibling and parent and the inability to rescue their caregiver may give rise to feelings of acute helplessness. They may also become targets of abusive behaviour in the ways experienced by their caregivers.
They may begin to treat their caregiver in similar ways to their sibling. Siblings may also experience less parental time and care as caregivers try to manage and cope with the child-to-parent abuse dynamic within their home. This detrimental impact has both current and on-going consequences for siblings, and certainly contributes to caregivers negative feelings, as they are aware of the adversities and deficits siblings face.
The detrimental impacts of child-to-parent abuse are vast and affect the entire family. Parents can fear that they will be blamed for it occurring within their family, by extended family members and professionals (such as social workers, GPs, and therapeutic support practitioners). Expecting to be judged, and feeling shame, prevents some parents from seeking help. However, awareness of child-to-parent abuse is growing and practitioners in helping professions are developing strategies to aid parents and carers in addressing child-to-parent abuse within their homes.
Elizabeth Cowdean is a PhD researcher in Psychology at Ulster University
The views expressed here are those of the author and do not represent or reflect the views of RTÉ. If you have been affected by issues raised in this article, support information is available online
