Analysis: we have found a number of linguistic clues that may point to the reasons why people choose to meet one another again – or not

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By Brian Clancy, Mary Immaculate College Limerick and Elaine Vaughan, University of Limerick

First Dates is the popular TV series that shows couples who have never met before sharing a meal and getting to know one another surrounded by dozens of cameras while we all watch, text and tweet about them. First broadcast in 2013, there have been spin-offs such as First Dates Hotel, Celebrity First Dates, and Teen First Dates.

But the most lucrative spin-offs of all have been the over 20 national versions of the series, including, of course, First Dates Ireland. Now in its seventh season, almost 5,000 people apply to go on First Dates Ireland each year and the daters are matched very carefully. Some dates are successful – so successful, in fact, that lasting unions may be formed. However, the path of true love does not always run smoothly and we see any number of dates that are unsuccessful, with the couple choosing not to meet for a second date.

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From RTÉ 2fm's Jennifer Zamparelli show, meet Emma from Cork and Luke from Mayo who appeared in the first show of the new season of First Dates

There are many reasons that First Dates Ireland is interesting as an object of study for linguists, not least because of the linguistic evidence it offers for contemporary Irish English and its users. In our research, we are particularly interested in Irish English as a variety, as well as the aspects of language that give us clues about speakers' relationships with one another, such as whether they feel close to someone, or have a more formal or distant relationship.

Are people comfortable enough to swear in front of each other? Are they direct or indirect in how they express themselves? Why? How? We examine the linguistic evidence that gives us clues that suggest links between what people are saying, what they mean, and how they intend to be understood. This evidence is often present in small words, so we examine in detail the things we all notice about language in Ireland, such as how often people use the word 'like’ or ‘now’, or the nuances of the Irish English ’shur’.

What is most fascinating about language use in First Dates Ireland is the situation itself. Most of the research into what is termed 'intimate' interaction uses samples of language data between couples, families and friends. But these relationships are already established and we haven’t seen that initial stage – the meetings that brought the couple together or helped two people get to know one another and become friends.

In language-based research, there is a burgeoning interest in the linguistic processes involved in strangers becoming friends, or, indeed, more than friends. While much of the scientific research tells us that factors such as perceptions of physical attractiveness, similarity in worldviews and personal values are central to what is termed ‘mate selection’, the vital importance of real-life interaction in these encounters as they unfold has been overlooked until relatively recently.

This is where First Dates Ireland comes in. It offers us a unique perspective on the language of establishing intimacy, evidence of the sociocultural norms in Ireland and insights into social mores around dating more generally.

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From RTÉ Radio 1's Ray D'Arcy Show, First Dates Ireland couple, Carla and Shez talk about their engagement

We make a basic distinction between ‘successful’ and ‘unsuccessful’ dates according to whether the couple decide to meet again. We have found a number of linguistic clues that may point towards the reasons why people choose to meet one another again – or not. In line with much of the research on interaction in Irish English, successful dates featured couples who worked to establish common ground, even when their backgrounds or professions were quite different. They showed consideration and respect for one another in their language, and reduced any type of social distance that might be implied. A great example of this happens in Karen and Eoghan's date.

General advice on dating often includes asking questions in order to show interest in your partner, but unsuccessful dates included more questions than successful ones in our analysis. In successful dates, questions were a feature, but tended to help the conversation flow. In unsuccessful dates, the higher numbers of questions emphasised what was going wrong with the interaction. The questions did not elicit much response, leading to more and more questions and a general atmosphere more akin to a job interview than a date. There were other linguistic items that were notable, such as a high frequency of ‘like,’ which tends to be a feature of high affinity situations such as conversations between friends and family.

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From RTÉ Brainstorm, the love lives of our 19th century ancestors

Conversational flow and ease seems to contribute towards that elusive ‘spark’ between daters, but there is one element of the date that, if handled poorly, douses that spark. The crunch interaction – most often shown to us on unsuccessful dates – is when the bill arrives. The commentary on who should pay the bill often references conventional gender-based norms.

For us, the negotiation of what to do with the bill is deeply connected with the interactional characteristics of offering in Irish English more generally. Research consistently shows the importance of hospitality in Irish culture and the complex interactional dance around offers of hospitality, with offers - and often multiple re-offers - interspersed with refusals until eventually you have that cup of tea, or let your friend pay the bill.

There is one element of the date that, if handled poorly, douses that elusive spark: the bill

We see this interactional dance at work in the crucial 'who will pay the bill?' conversation on a first date. When a dater offers to split the bill, and their partner accepts the offer immediately, this runs counter to what is expected. While it is true to say that we are most often shown the ‘paying the bill’ sequence at the end of unsuccessful dates, what the sequences have in common when analysed in detail is a failure to follow the implicit rules of the ritual in Irish society.

When an offer is made, a polite refusal is expected, as is a re-offer. If someone offers to pay the bill, don’t accept too quickly. Equally, don’t accept too quickly if someone offers to split the bill. Think carefully before you answer: that elusive ‘spark’ might depend on it.

Dr Brian Clancy is a lecturer in Applied Linguiustics at Mary Immaculate College Limerick. Dr Elaine Vaughan lectures in Linguistics, Applied Linguistics and TESOL at University of Limerick.

The views expressed here are those of the author and do not represent or reflect the views of RTÉ