Opinion: dating has always been a social and personal quagmire, but online dating after Covid is a different beast entirely
Squid Game is the South Korean Netflix sensation that launched in September 2021 and is the streaming platform's most watched series to date. Demand for more has seen creators of the show confirm a second season, with Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos stating "the Squid Game universe has just begun".
But many of us have been living in this tournament of hell for some time now and the novelty has most definitely worn off. Online dating - and specifically online dating post-Covid - is a real life Squid Game.
Dating has always been a social and personal quagmire, but online dating is a different beast entirely. This is not the gripe of a millennial snowflake generation. We are ready for rejection, shaped and scarred by the dreaded approach and rebuff customary of the dance hall, teen disco or nightclub dating scene.
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From RTÉ Radio 1's Ryan Tubridy Show, Peter Gorey talks about his search for love using online dating
Online dating seemed child’s play in comparison. Dating from the comfort of your own home? Yes, please. Avoid face-to-face rejection? Excellent. We were completely unprepared for what lay ahead. This is not child’s play. This is a game of psychological twists and turns, Squid Game for singles.
It all starts out innocent enough. This will be a bit of fun. Sign up to a few apps like Plenty of Fish, Tinder, Bumble or Hinge and upload a few pictures. The ultimate prize of meeting someone special shimmers alluringly in front of us. We don’t think about the nature of the game or indeed about the other competitors, the millions of people also hoping to find their needle in a haystack. We ignore those odds.
Are we desperate like the players in Squid Game? Factor in two years of relative isolation and the answer to that question is yes. Desperate to connect, to smile, to feel the touch of another again.
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From RTÉ 2fm's Jennifer Zamparelli, Zoe Desmond talks about FROLO, her dating service that connects local like-minded single parents
So, we sign up and enter the arena. It starts immediately. Swiping. It sounds easy enough. Swipe left if not interested, swipe right if interested. But care must be taken. Too quick and you can accidentally like or dismiss someone. The more experienced players are fast and perceptive. No profile picture? Swipe left. Extremely good-looking? Catfish, swipe left. Dog in picture? Swipe right.
The latter has become a less reliable determinant of a decent human being of late. Recent research has shown the popularity of dogs in dating apps. 70% of respondents believe a dog in their profile picture increases their chances of matching, while 63% say they are more likely to match with someone who features a dog in their profile picture. German Shepherds top the poll as most liked by singles in dating app profiles. Armed with this knowledge, many players admit to borrowing dogs for their profile picture. Result? Beware of dog.
Game two. You match. Red light, green light. Who makes the first move? There are prompts and advice on opening messages, that ideal opener to spark a conversation. There are apps where only the girl can make the first move. You make the first move, no reply. They make the first move. You don’t want to reply, the opening question too mundane. You realise the creators are right, that opening message is key. This first game is the longest and most soul destroying of the games. The attrition rate is high.
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From RTÉ Radio 1's Liveline, callers shared their love stories, most of which began on a bus!
The next game is risk. The conversation has started and now you have a decision. Do you move off the app and onto WhatsApp, sharing your mobile number with this person? This could lead to easier chats and a possible in-person meet up. Or it could lead to blocking and/or reporting the person for inappropriate message content. But you do hate checking the dating app for notifications, it drains your battery and WhatsApp is so much easier. If you take the risk, there are three categories awaiting you – socially unstable, sexually perverse and nice human. You have a one in three chance of getting to the next game: the meet up.
This is the simplest of the games. You choose a visible location, open, with plenty of people. You send your location to your friends. You plant a fellow player nearby, ready to provide an escape route if necessary. And then you wait.
To my standard 'are you a smoker?' question, I now add ‘are you vaccinated?’
Squid Game for daters is about survival. For those of us with a disability, the games have added complexity. As someone with cystic fibrosis, I must now disclose this personal fact almost immediately. To my standard ‘are you a smoker?’ question, I now add ‘are you vaccinated?’. If not, we cannot meet because you could literally kill me. To be fair, this weeds out unsuitable matches pretty quickly. It fast forwards conversation to at least date three or four pre-online dating.
Over the course of the games, you learn many transferable skills. How to cope with rejection, how to handle ghosting or the disappearance of an adult who cannot handle human interaction / communication. How to decipher meaning from a sentence of emojis. How to communicate your feelings through said language of emojis.
Season 2? Game on.
The views expressed here are those of the author and do not represent or reflect the views of RTÉ
