Stuart McCloskey is enjoying the best form of his career but admits his struggles to break through after his Ireland debut 10 years ago weighed heavily on his mind.
The Ulster centre made his international bow against England in Twickenham a decade ago.
Joe Schmidt's side lost 21-10 that day but the then 23-year-old was largely praised for a solid outing, with decent moments in attack and defence.
While he's always had tough competition from the likes of British and Irish Lions Bundee Aki, Robbie Henshaw and Garry Ringrose for game time, it still came as a surprise that it took another 21 months for the Bangor man to add to his first cap.
Sporadic appearances followed over the next six years against Fiji, USA, Georgia, Japan, and in November 2022, he lined out against Australia and South Africa before starting three of the Six Nations games in the spring of 2023 as Ireland won the Grand Slam.
There was more championship game time as Andy Farrell's men defended their crown in 2024 but it's in the last eight months that McCloskey has become a regular starter, racking up seven of his 26 caps.
Recalling his debut back in February of 2016, McCloskey said: "I remember it as a great day and it's amazing to get your first cap.
"But I probably look back on it with a tinge of... I'm trying to think of the right word, it's not anger, but it's tainted for me.
"I had to wait another 18 months to get another game and I wasn't sure 100% why.
"It's water under the bridge now. I can't really change much."
Schmidt, who delivered three Six Nations titles and a Grand Slam in his tenure between 2013 and 2019, with some exceptions had more or less forbidden offloading, preferring instead for his teams to go through the phases to break down opposition defences.
It might go some way towards explaining why McCloskey found himself down the order.
"Ah, I don't know what the craic was with Joe," he continued. "I don't think we saw eye to eye... listen, I'm glad he's not coaching here now, but he's done some amazing things as a coach.
"Sometimes coaches and players are not on the same page, I don't know what it was but I wasn't for him.
"I never spoke to him."
He's has two offloads per game in this Six Nations so far and cited New Zealand great Sonny Bill Williams (above) as an inspiration.
"I've always found off-loading, not an easy skill, but just something I’ve picked up quite well over the years. It’s always come quite naturally to me," he said.
"Sonny Bill Williams. He was the GOAT, wasn’t he. He was unbelievable. I grew up watching him.
"He was probably the most influential in terms of that side of the game because he’s not that much older than me. You know your teenage years when you’re quite impressionable, that’s who I was watching."
McCloskey, who stands 6ft 4in and weighs 18st, has been Ireland's standout player of the tournament so far as the team bounced back from a harrowing loss in Paris on opening night with a nervy win over Italy and a superb victory over England.
Asked what changed in the days between the first and third rounds, the Co Down man struggled to put his finger on it.
"It's hard to know," he said ahead of Friday's visit of Wales to Dublin (8.10pm) where Ireland need to win and hope for a France slip-up in Scotland to keep their title hopes alive.
"I think a half in Paris we got blown away by a very good team that was full of confidence, a few things didn't go our way.
"Who knows, a few things go our way in the second half and we end up getting up a bonus point...I can't see France losing now, but it probably would have kept the championship alive a bit more.
"What changed? I don't know, a bit more time together as a group, a bit more cohesiveness, it's hard to put your finger on.
"It's probably a bad 40 minutes and it was almost the book was getting ripped up for this team...now, a good game against England it's all back on.
"I don't really know, but we are getting better as time goes on here as a group.
"It's how to start a bit better the next time."
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McCloskey was only pipped for the man of the match award at Twickenham due to a Jamison Gibson-Park masterclass but the biggest cheer of the day appeared to come from Farrell when the centre, with Ireland leading 42-14 with six minutes to play, chased down Marcus Smith and dumped the England full-back into touch.
"I’ve had bits and pieces but I haven’t gone that viral," he said of a positive social media moment.
"It was crazy. It felt like every time I opened Instagram for two or three days, it was just my face.
"My missus was laughing. I was taking the kids to school on Monday and there were people genuinely stopping cars at the side of the road to say well done.
"She was like, 'what is going on here?'
"It gave me some big laughs, like! There were a few funny memes and clips going around. It’s good. You’ve got to take everything with a pinch of salt.
"The good times, like this here, will be funny I’m sure. At some stage, I’ll do something that’s stupid and people will take the piss out of me.
"So I’ll enjoy this and when it doesn’t go as well, I’ll just laugh it off. It can’t be good all the time."
