The Irish provincial derbies over the weekend were played under strange conditions to go along with the hollow atmosphere of an empty stadium.
Munster had a job to do against Connacht, who had nothing to play for other than taking stock of their current squad to see where they are at ahead of the start of next season, provisionally 3 October.
The game was a penalty-fest littered with red and yellow cards, which made the match difficult to watch at times and I can imagine very strange to play in. Both teams were playing with 13 players at one stage, although it was only permanent for Connacht.
The Ulster and Leinster game had a bit of a dead rubber feel to it as well, with numerous errors from Ulster making it hard for their key players to take control of the game.
As a player these are difficult conditions to handle and it can affect your control of the situation. A lot of the time players will also judge their own performance differently to spectators or those closer to them.
There are moments in games that make it look like certain players have made a mistake.
For example, John Cooney went through a sticky patch in the game before his long-range try was controversially scratched off as offside, but he had made a few uncharacteristic errors in the middle portion of the game.
He kicked a ball out on the full and some of his handling wasn't up to his usual standards.
This looks like the scrum-half had made a few mistakes from the outside but we don’t know the whole story watching on TV or sometimes from the stands.
He had a knock on from a lineout but if you watch it again the delivery was very poor.
Yeah, you still want your scrum-half to tidy up a bit but the blame can’t be put on him if the set-piece isn’t firing properly.
From a player's point of view you sometimes can’t help but think about how you will be perceived in the video room on Monday, even when there’s a good chunk of the game still to go.
You give yourself a bit of a score as the game plays out. Maybe I used to do it because I had my number 10 hat on and you’re used to thinking about your return from goal kicks.
If you kick your first two you start thinking "I’m on for 100% here, six from six sounds nice".
If you miss your first two you might start thinking "even if I kick the next four in a row I’ll still only come out with 66%, and that’s if I can find my rhythm again".
It’s a bit of a negative way of thinking through the game but I’d be shocked if any player doesn’t do this at some stage in their career.
Counting missed tackles, turnovers, knock ons, kicks out on the full and missed kicks at the posts. These are very quantifiable measures.
Some of the less quantifiable ones are things like missing your role on a pre-called pattern or giving someone else a hospital pass where they are seen to have made the mistake.
"Perception is a funny thing but how you view the same game depends on your stake in the situation"
A player will nearly always be harsh on themselves but there are the off days, where you think you weren’t so bad but if the other fella took the blame for putting you in a tough position then you wouldn’t look to have so many mistakes. You might have had an average game instead of a poor one.
Of course, there’s the other side of it as well. As an out-half you have to control the flow of the game.
Sometimes your team-mates take the bull by the horns and pull out some magic that just makes the game easier to manage.
The team might turn up with the right mindset for the contact area and they will go forward in more collisions.
As an out-half the game becomes immeasurably easier when your pack are on the front foot, or when they can cause trouble in the scrums and mauls, maybe get some penalties or a few scores.
You might have an average game yourself but because the team went well the out-half is seen to have a great game.
There have been loads of times where I would have thought I had an average game or I could have done a lot of things better and my Dad and family would congratulate me on a great game.
It feels very dishonest to take the pats on the back when you know yourself that the team review will look a whole lot different and there are areas to work on.
Then you get situations like what happened to Conor Fitzgerald on Sunday for example.
The Connacht out-half lost two of his pack in the first half, Munster were on the front foot before this, racing into a 14-0 lead because of the penalty count and the lack of Connacht physicality.
What is he supposed to do? Sometimes you get back to your family after the game and they’ll say something like "tough day at the office for you" and you’re thinking "there’s no way that was all my fault!".
Perception is a funny thing but how you view the same game depends on your stake in the situation.
As a player you might know what areas you are focusing on with the game plan. Whether there is kick space in behind, or whether the team plans on hanging on to possession for long periods instead of kicking out of your own 22.
It can also skew your decision-making in the moment because of something that has been said across the training week. From the outside, spectators, family and friends wouldn’t know this and can question why you did certain things throughout the game.
There can also be a small few moments that weigh differently in other people’s minds.
For me as an out-half I took my defence seriously and didn’t want to be a turnstile, but at the same time I would much rather not miss touch from penalties, kick my goal kicks and make good decisions instead of getting caught up on my success on the tackle line.
"I took my defence seriously and didn't want to be a turnstile"
If I had to soak a few tackles because I was getting caught with the opposition Number 8 off the back of a scrum I would have happily returned to the defensive line after dusting myself off with a completed tackle and a one or two-yard concession.
However, to others that is an easy gain line for the opposition and the beginning of a flow that your team can find hard to stop.
It can be frustrating when others voice their opinion about your game.
Sometimes they can be critical when you felt you did okay but what I found more frustrating was when I was given credit that I didn’t deserve, knowing that I needed to get back to the training pitch to right some wrongs.
With experience you learn not to count your errors during games and live in the moment a bit more.
You also learn to park the game until Monday and enjoy a social gathering or a day of rest without replaying the whole game in your head 50 times.
The semi-finals next weekend will offer another opportunity for three of the four provinces to execute and review their performances, starting on Friday night with Leinster defending their title against Munster.
