Alison Miller says that while she suffered from self doubt throughout her rugby career, it quickly dissipated took hold when she took to the field in an Ireland jersey.
The 34-year-old announced her retirement from international rugby following a glittering career in green and was part of the 2013 Grand Slam winning team and a key member of the side that reached the 2014 Women’s Rugby World Cup semi-finals.
Miller’s 10th and final Six Nations campaign saw Ireland finish fifth in the table, but she insists the decision was made earlier in the year.
"It was pre-planned," she told 2fm’s Game On. "I had decided before the Six Nations I had decided it was my last year, regardless of how we got on. If we won the Six Nations I would still be walking away."
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The Laois native had considered quitting last year, but a horrific leg break against Italy, where she broke her tibula, fibula and suffered a compound fracture, made her determined to finish on her own terms
"When I broke it and I was in the hospital bed, I said, ‘that’s it’. I was in immense pain, you cannot see yourself playing a physical sport again. I have never experienced pain like that. It was really only when I started walking and running I felt I could do it.
"Once I decided to go back and try to get back in an Irish jersey, I had no doubt I would get back."
A late bloomer to the game, she had represented Laois footballers and was competitive in athletics before turning her hand to rugby in the summer of 2006.
Returning to college after the sudden death of her father, Miller was keen to try her hand at something new, even though her knowledge of the rules was limited.
"I initially loved the freedom and physicality of the game. I started playing in Portlaoise, the lowest rugby In Ireland at the time. I was scoring loads of tried and playing really well, but people might have said I was playing at a low level."
"Once I was on that field in the green jersey, looking at the opposite winger, I believed"
In her first season, she went to Leinster trails and failed to make the extended squad, but wasn’t deterred.
"I knew I was good enough then," she said, and made the breakthrough with Connacht.
Despite a record of 23 tries in 47 caps, including a crucial try in the 2014 World Cup pool stages victory over New Zealand, Miller says she was never confident of selection in any Ireland team down through the years, though that self doubt was rarely evident on the field of play.
"Once I was on that field in the green jersey, looking at the opposite winger, I believed then."
